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Faisal112 Posted 18 years ago
Grammar

Correct my anti-love poem!!!

0 01u01font02br
02br
00Could someone correct my anti-obsessive love poem02br
00the assignment was to write a anti poem, and I was02br
00wondering wheter this is a anti-love poem, is not super02br
00strongly written, so pls give your advise and comments02br
00and corrections, I would really appreciate that!02br
02br
00Anti- Obsessive Love02br
02br
00In the ocean of your eyes,02br
00I'd have liked to drown voluntarily.02br
00Everytime I looked at you02br
00I seemed to have drowned even deeper and deeper.02br
00I might had ever reached the bottom of your heart?02br
00I might..... 02br
00When you looked into my eyes you saw02br
00my ocean full of raspacious manic love for you...02br
02br
00Desolated streets, greyish sky02br
00limitless silence and the unbearable agony02br
00which reminds me of the abandoning fact02br
00you were to be the light of my life02br
00to which I wanted to give all my love.02br
00Innocent tears of obsessive love, the dangerous kind02br
00desired to that one look of you which 02br
00couldn't express: 01i00I love you02i02br
02br
00There falls a dark shadow 02br
00on the light of a sunny day.02br
00There comes a wave02br
00of sadness and takes all my happiness away.02br
00I see the leaves fly away dreary,02br
00Even the breeze 02br
00doesn't give me any message.02br
00No one thinking of me.02br
00She didn't abandon me out of her life.02br
00I was just never present in it.02br
00That's how my life ends like a dark shadow02br
00Falling on the light of a sunny day.02br
02br
00Alphabetically that was what would have supposed to happen, right?02br
00Being obsessively in love, the dangerous kind, which once is tasted will02br
00haunt you forever, all-consuming and ends in tears and everlasting misery.02br
02br
00I passed over that part, rewriting my story with a happy end and a02br
00life lesson to be learned: You don't need to be in love to be happy. 02br
00I'm not and surviving perfectly.02br
02br
01u01font00Written by Faisal Syed 02br
02br
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— Faisal112

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6 Answers
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0I'd be so greatful it somone could take 2 minutes to correct my poem02br
00if there are any mistakes in it, which I believe there are:P!0-
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01cite10faisal11212cite11u11font10 12font12u12br
11u11font10Could someone correct my anti-obsessive love poem12br
10the assignment was to write a anti poem, and I was12br
10wondering wheter this is a anti-love poem, is
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0thanks for the correcting, but do you think concerning the context02br
00that it has something Anti in it, which is clearly visible!!???0-
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hey. i know you dont know me but, im into poetry also... im trying to get mine out for the world to see... im a "used-to-be" cutter.. and i have mainly written bout that.. but i have written some ones on love and some that are like i hate you and i hope you die.. but yours was great.. it made me cry.. just thinking about my ex while i was reading it.. poems like this inspire me to be a better wri
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Oh really, thanks.... If you like to read more, give me your e-mail adress addy,.... so I'll add you and I'll send you more:)

F.S
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Anti-Love by – Faisal Syed



In the ocean of your eyes,
I'd have liked to drown voluntarily.
Every time I looked at you
I seemed to have drowned even deeper and deeper.
I might have ever reached the bottom of your heart?
I might...
When you looked into my eyes you saw
my ocean full of raspacious manic love for you...
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