Correct mistakes on a cover letter

Question

Dear friends,English is not my mother tongue and I have to write the following cover letter to apply for a position. I'm in Paris, France, the sendee is a recruitment agency.Could you please correct my mistakes in english before I send it. Thank you very much.-- Dear sir,The 'Sarbanes-Oxley Act' is a new US regulation requiring companies to enhance their internal business controls and to thorough document processes.I seek a position as auditor, in charge of formalization and documentation of IT processes. I have a strong technical background and experience (project managment, database administration expertise...) and good skills at graphic representation of complex systems with tools such as Powerpoint or Visio.I'd like to meet you to discuss and validate my goal, then submit my resume to your valuable clients. Please contact me for an interview.Thank you for your attention, Pascal MESSAGER --Pascal &gt;

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]Dear friends, English is not my mother tongue and I have to write the following cover letter to apply for a position. I'm in Paris, France, the sendee is a recruitment agency.[/nq]
Both sentences above have a comma splice.
[nq:1]Could you please correct my mistakes in english before I send it. Thank you very much.[/nq]
English is not my first language either, so I may not do it as English speakers, but let me try.
[nq:1]-- Dear sir,[/nq]
Dear sir or madame, (Your letter may be read by female members of the company.)
[nq:1]The 'Sarbanes-Oxley Act' is a new US regulation requiring companies to enhance their internal business controls and to thorough document processes.[/nq]
I am not sure about "controls" -- plural?
[nq:1]I seek a position as auditor, in charge of formalization and documentation of IT processes.[/nq]
I don't think the comma is necessary here. It may be good for readability.

I have a strong technical background and experience
[nq:1](project managment, database administration expertise...) and good skills at graphic representation of complex systems with tools such as Powerpoint or Visio.[/nq]
When you list items in a series, use a comma between the list items. An "and" has to be put before the last item. For example:

I have a technical background, experience, and good skills.
[nq:1]I'd like to meet you to discuss and validate my goal, then submit my resume to your valuable clients. Please contact me for an interview.[/nq]
"Then" is a conjunctive adverb, so it must be followed by an independent clause. It will be like this:

I'd like to meet you to discuss and validate my goal; then, I will submit my resume to your valuable clients.
[nq:1]Thank you for your attention, Pascal MESSAGER[/nq]

Usenet · Answer

Okay, I'll give it a try. See my corrections below:
[nq:1]Dear friends, English is not my mother tongue and I have to write the following cover letter to apply for ... behaves as bad as mine? >>to thorough document processes - the word should be thoroughly - (It's an adverb here.)[/nq]
I'd like to meet you - This isn't wrong exactly, but a more formal phrasing would be - I'd like to meet with you

This last sentence is a little harder to decide just what doesn't fit about it, so I'll just write out my musings on the subject.

to discuss and validate my goal - Probably the word you want isn't validate, possibly you want evaluate. To validate someone's goal is to agree with them and support them in their goal (which is probably exactly what you want, but one should not be too blatant in an interview request.) To evaluate is to consider whether something is appropriate or not. Somehow, that doesn't work either with "goal". "To evaluate my goal" isn't really what you want to do either when you meet with the person. Well, let's see..What do you want to evaluate? or validate? Probably not validate...What you want to do is evaluate whether your background and skills meet their needs, and whether their job meets your needs.

So you might try: "I'd like to meet with you to evaluate my background and skills in the field, then submit my resume to your valuable clients." or just "to your clients" Or possibly: "I'd like to meet with you to evaluate my background and skills in the light of your requirements." And leave the clients out of it, unless submitting your resume to them is also a requirement for the position.

Hope this helps.

Carol NB - This is American English.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Dear friends, English is not my mother tongue and I ... America when his president behaves as bad as mine? >>[/nq]
[nq:1]to thorough document processes - the word should be thoroughly - (It's an adverb here.) I'd like to meet you ... resume to them is also a requirement for the position. Hope this helps. Carol NB - This is American English.[/nq]
Well it looks ok to me.

Correct mistakes on a cover letter

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions