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Lission Posted 17 years ago
Hi everybody,
Could you please correct any errors in the following short composition? Many thanks for your help.
One evening, Daniel could not sleep as the weather was very warm. He walked to the window, hoping that it would be cooler there. However, he still felt warm as there was no breeze. Soon he saw a man trying to break into a flat opposite his. Daniel knew that his neighbours were not at home as they had told him that they were going on a holiday.
He quickly telephoned the police to inform them of what he had seen. A police car arrived soon after. When Daniel saw it from his house, he quickly ran downstairs and, approached one of the police officers and pointed to the police where he had seen the thief. He also led them to the flat. The thief was still ransacking the house when the police rushed in. He was too shocked to resist. One of the officers handcuffed the thief and ordered him to get into the police car. One of the policemen thanked me and asked me to go to the police station with them as they wanted to record my statement. I agreed without hesitation and went into the car with them.
The next morning, he told his parents about what he had done when they were still asleep. They were proud of him.
http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=453593
Grammar
Composition
Hi everybody,
Could you please correct any errors in the following short composition? Many thanks for your help.
One evening, Daniel could not sleep as the weather was very warm. He walked to the window, hoping that it would be cooler there. However, he still felt warm as there was no breeze. Soon he saw a man trying to break into a flat opposite his. Daniel knew that his neighbours were not at home as they had told him that they were going on a holiday.
He quickly telephoned the police to inform them of what he had seen. A police car arrived soon after. When Daniel saw it from his house, he quickly ran downstairs and, approached one of the police officers and pointed to the police where he had seen the thief. He also led them to the flat. The thief was still ransacking the house when the police rushed in. He was too shocked to resist. One of the officers handcuffed the thief and ordered him to get into the police car. One of the policemen thanked me and asked me to go to the police station with them as they wanted to record my statement. I agreed without hesitation and went into the car with them.
The next morning, he told his parents about what he had done when they were still asleep. They were proud of him.
http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=453593
Top answer
Hi, see my corrections in green- One evening, Daniel could not sleep as the weather was very warm. He walked over to the window of his room, hoping that it would be cooler there. Yet, he still felt warm as there was no breeze.
- Hi, see my corrections in green- One evening, Daniel could not sleep as the weather was very warm.
- He walked over to the window of his room, hoping that it would be cooler there.
- Yet, he still felt warm as there was no breeze.
- Soon he saw a man trying to break into a flat opposite his.
- Daniel knew that his neighbours were not at home as they had told him that they were going on a holiday.
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3 Answers
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Hi, see my corrections in green-
One evening, Daniel could not sleep as the weather was very warm. He walked over to the window of his room, hoping that it would be cooler there. Yet, he still felt warm as there was no breeze. Soon he saw a man trying to break into a flat opposite his. Daniel knew that his neighbours were not at home as they had told him that they were going on a holiday
One evening, Daniel could not sleep as the weather was very warm. He walked over to the window of his room, hoping that it would be cooler there. Yet, he still felt warm as there was no breeze. Soon he saw a man trying to break into a flat opposite his. Daniel knew that his neighbours were not at home as they had told him that they were going on a holiday
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Reading the story line from this angle, this is what I think: "One of the policemen thanked me and asked me to go to the police station with them as they wanted to record my statement. I agreed without hesitation and went into the car with them.”
The underlined is not wrong but does seem semantically slightly doubtful in my opinion.
You started with Daniel but later c
The underlined is not wrong but does seem semantically slightly doubtful in my opinion.
You started with Daniel but later c
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