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Sunflower Posted 22 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Comments on my essay. Would anybobody help me?
Dear moderators ,
I would like you to make suggestion on my essay. I have posted it in another session of this forum (medical writing) few days ago but I am not sure if that would be the best session for my post. You have helped me with other posts before and I really need to see your comments on these paragraphs I've written. Your emendations would be vey helpful and your assistance means a lot to me. Would you please help?
Please find bellow three paragraphs. I look forward to hering from you! I appreciate any assistance!
The panoramic radiograph also evidenced that several teeth that should already have completed root formation still exhibited incomplete apical closure, which evidenced a delayed
dental formation in relation to the patient’s chronological age. Generalized diastemas were noticed in the mandibular dental arch whereas the lack of space in the maxillary dental arch resulted in crowding of the left canines and premolars.
Because of (due to) the clinical signs of temporomandibular dysfunction, including malocclusion, painful symptomatology on palpation of the facial and masticatory muscles accompanied by headaches episodes (referred to at the first consultation as the medical history was gathered/taken), additional sessions were scheduled for occlusal adjustment combined with electromyographic analysis. This therapeutic approach was carried out at moments other than those of acute dysfunctional manifestations and attempted to yield an immediate occlusal stabilization and consequent comfort to the temporomandibular joints.
The patients have attended to three-monthly recalls for clinical and radiographic assessment of general oral health status, as well for making a decision as to the best surgical and anesthetic managements to be rendered for removal of the unerupted, horizontally impacted teeth. The panoramic radiographs revealed that, in both patients, the alveolar ridge had small dimensions between the base of the mandible and the alveolar crest, and that the ascending rami of the mandible appeared narrowed in an anteroposterior direction. The thinness of the hypoplastic mandible dramatically increases the risk of accidental fracturing during surgery. Difficulties arising from the patients’ oromaxillofacial features (microstomia, limited mouth opening, muscular stiffness and rigidity of the temporomandibular joints), possible damages to the adjacent anatomical structures during extractions as well as the potential anesthetic risk of malignant hyperthermia and difficulty in endotracheal intubation (in the event general anesthesia appears as the most indicated anesthetic approach) have been weighed against the likelihood of development of dentigerous cysts or ankylosis, resulting from delayed surgical removal of the impacted teet
I would like you to make suggestion on my essay. I have posted it in another session of this forum (medical writing) few days ago but I am not sure if that would be the best session for my post. You have helped me with other posts before and I really need to see your comments on these paragraphs I've written. Your emendations would be vey helpful and your assistance means a lot to me. Would you please help?
Please find bellow three paragraphs. I look forward to hering from you! I appreciate any assistance!
The panoramic radiograph also evidenced that several teeth that should already have completed root formation still exhibited incomplete apical closure, which evidenced a delayed
dental formation in relation to the patient’s chronological age. Generalized diastemas were noticed in the mandibular dental arch whereas the lack of space in the maxillary dental arch resulted in crowding of the left canines and premolars.
Because of (due to) the clinical signs of temporomandibular dysfunction, including malocclusion, painful symptomatology on palpation of the facial and masticatory muscles accompanied by headaches episodes (referred to at the first consultation as the medical history was gathered/taken), additional sessions were scheduled for occlusal adjustment combined with electromyographic analysis. This therapeutic approach was carried out at moments other than those of acute dysfunctional manifestations and attempted to yield an immediate occlusal stabilization and consequent comfort to the temporomandibular joints.
The patients have attended to three-monthly recalls for clinical and radiographic assessment of general oral health status, as well for making a decision as to the best surgical and anesthetic managements to be rendered for removal of the unerupted, horizontally impacted teeth. The panoramic radiographs revealed that, in both patients, the alveolar ridge had small dimensions between the base of the mandible and the alveolar crest, and that the ascending rami of the mandible appeared narrowed in an anteroposterior direction. The thinness of the hypoplastic mandible dramatically increases the risk of accidental fracturing during surgery. Difficulties arising from the patients’ oromaxillofacial features (microstomia, limited mouth opening, muscular stiffness and rigidity of the temporomandibular joints), possible damages to the adjacent anatomical structures during extractions as well as the potential anesthetic risk of malignant hyperthermia and difficulty in endotracheal intubation (in the event general anesthesia appears as the most indicated anesthetic approach) have been weighed against the likelihood of development of dentigerous cysts or ankylosis, resulting from delayed surgical removal of the impacted teet
Top answer
(I am having trouble posting. Will post in sections) Sunflower, Overall, I found your stuff okay. Your very first sentence doesn't seem right to me.
- (I am having trouble posting.
- Will post in sections) Sunflower, Overall, I found your stuff okay.
- Your very first sentence doesn't seem right to me.
- The panoramic radiograph also evidenced that several teeth that should already have completed root formation still exhibited incomplete apical closure, which evidenced a delayed dental formation in relation to the patient’s chronological age.
- ] formation still exhibited incomplete apical closure, which evidenced a delayed dental formation in relation to the patient’s chronological age.
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6 Answers
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(I am having trouble posting. Will post in sections)
Sunflower,
Overall, I found your stuff okay. Your very first sentence doesn't seem right to me.
Sunflower,
Overall, I found your stuff okay. Your very first sentence doesn't seem right to me.
The panoramic radiograph also evidenced that several teeth that should already have completed root formation still exhibited incomplete apical closure, which evidenced a delayed dental formation in relation to t
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One piece of advice, when you are dealing with big complex words, have small, short sentences. Our tiny beans can only handle so much complexity.
When reading, long words and long sentences add to complexity. You want to have the variety among your sentences, but you don't want to overburden your reader.
Please see [url="
When reading, long words and long sentences add to complexity. You want to have the variety among your sentences, but you don't want to overburden your reader.
Please see [url="
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Dear MountainHiker
I really appreciate your attention to may essay!
Regarding the first sentence you have mentioned, I found it really difficult to put my ideas into words. I will try to explain what I've meant to say and perhaps you could help me improving my writing. Would you?
The idea was that children at my patient’s age should have complete root formation of some
I really appreciate your attention to may essay!
Regarding the first sentence you have mentioned, I found it really difficult to put my ideas into words. I will try to explain what I've meant to say and perhaps you could help me improving my writing. Would you?
The idea was that children at my patient’s age should have complete root formation of some
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Hi, ( I have trouble posting, so I will post in multiple parts)
The idea was that children at my patient’s age should have complete root formation of some teeth of the permanent dentition. Nevertheless, the panoramic radiograph revealed that because of his serious disease, these teeth still presented incomplete apical closure, which evidenced a delayed dental formation in relatio
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I find the way you use the word "evidenced" to be somewhat awkward. It doesn't sound natural to my ear. I would be much more inclined to use the word "showed". You've done this a couple of times.
Because of (due to): You are correct. It should be "because of". Some people use "due to" but it is not technically correct. However, this "violation" is so common that very few
Because of (due to): You are correct. It should be "because of". Some people use "due to" but it is not technically correct. However, this "violation" is so common that very few
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Dear MountainHiker
I appreciate your attention!! Thank you.
Best regrds
I appreciate your attention!! Thank you.
Best regrds
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