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Anonymous Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Comments?
Could someone please correct this line if there are any mistakes:
Once upon a time, there is an amusement park which has been closed for the past 14 years, following the death of a little girl who falls off a Ferris wheel. Today, a young woman named Yen and her six friends decide to enter the cursed park to search for her lost elder brother who has disappeared without a trace six years ago. Before entering, the park's elderly security guard tries to dissuade them from entering but results in no avail. Their stubborness lead them to face strange, unexpected events, as they unveil that the park feeds off fresh human lives.
Once upon a time, there is an amusement park which has been closed for the past 14 years, following the death of a little girl who falls off a Ferris wheel. Today, a young woman named Yen and her six friends decide to enter the cursed park to search for her lost elder brother who has disappeared without a trace six years ago. Before entering, the park's elderly security guard tries to dissuade them from entering but results in no avail. Their stubborness lead them to face strange, unexpected events, as they unveil that the park feeds off fresh human lives.
Top answer
Anonymous Could someone please correct this line I'll do the first line: Once upon a time, there was an amusement park which had been closed for 14 years following the death of a little
- Anonymous Could someone please correct this line I'll do the first line: Once upon a time, there was an amusement park which had been closed for 14 years following the death of a little
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8 Answers
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AnonymousCould someone please correct this lineI'll do the first line:
Once upon a time, there was an amusement park which had been closed for 14 years following the death of a little
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AnonymousIt's a story summary, so usually should be in a present tense.No, it needn't—and it cannot when it begins 'once upon a time', which is a past reference.
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Anonymous I hope the rest are ok.You will need to check that all your verbs are consistent.
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Ok. Would that be ok to start as belwo:
When an amusement park which has been closed for the past 14 years, following the death of a little girl who falls off a Ferris wheel, a young woman named Yen and her six friends decide to enter the cursed park to search for her lost elder brother who has disappeared without a trace six years ago.
When an amusement park which has been closed for the past 14 years, following the death of a little girl who falls off a Ferris wheel, a young woman named Yen and her six friends decide to enter the cursed park to search for her lost elder brother who has disappeared without a trace six years ago.
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AnonymousWould that be ok to start as belwo:A bit convoluted at the beginning; it needs simplifying; and you didn't check all the verbs:
An amusement park has been closed for the past 14 years following the death of a little girl who fell off the Ferris wheel, but a young woman named Yen and her six friends decide to en
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