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Vsuresh Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
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Hi
Please give your comments on this composition.
She was my class teacher in class two. Mrs. Abraham. Why do I want to write about her? Nearly thirty five years have passed. I have come across so many teachers. How she has impressed me. What do I remember her for? These and some more questions pop up in my mind when I think of Mrs Abraham.
I don’t remember her full name. Her face. Yes, but not completely, though. I don’t remember what subject or lessons she taught us. But her love for children is something I vividly recollect. Even though she has not had a great impact on me as a person responsible for imparting knowledge, she has left an indelible mark in my mind and heart by her love and care for the children entrusted to her.
While I was in class two no day was pleasant without her- such an lovable person was she. The radiance of her smile would make every one of us happy. I don’t remember her losing her temper even when the naughty ones played pranks on their neighbours and disturbed her class.
Every morning she would call me to her desk and ask how I felt that day, what I had for breakfast and so on. On the days when my lunch reached me late- My uncle would bring me hot homemade lunch around noon, some ten minutes earlier to lunch recess- she would call me to her table and ask me to share her food.
Please give your comments on this composition.
She was my class teacher in class two. Mrs. Abraham. Why do I want to write about her? Nearly thirty five years have passed. I have come across so many teachers. How she has impressed me. What do I remember her for? These and some more questions pop up in my mind when I think of Mrs Abraham.
I don’t remember her full name. Her face. Yes, but not completely, though. I don’t remember what subject or lessons she taught us. But her love for children is something I vividly recollect. Even though she has not had a great impact on me as a person responsible for imparting knowledge, she has left an indelible mark in my mind and heart by her love and care for the children entrusted to her.
While I was in class two no day was pleasant without her- such an lovable person was she. The radiance of her smile would make every one of us happy. I don’t remember her losing her temper even when the naughty ones played pranks on their neighbours and disturbed her class.
Every morning she would call me to her desk and ask how I felt that day, what I had for breakfast and so on. On the days when my lunch reached me late- My uncle would bring me hot homemade lunch around noon, some ten minutes earlier to lunch recess- she would call me to her table and ask me to share her food.
Top answer
Hi vsuresh, I really like the content of your composition. You have the most important component of a good story which is that I was interested in reading more after the first few sentences! I would suggest that you look at the first half of your compositon, and think about using more variety of compound and complex sentences.
- Hi vsuresh, I really like the content of your composition.
- You have the most important component of a good story which is that I was interested in reading more after the first few sentences!
- I would suggest that you look at the first half of your compositon, and think about using more variety of compound and complex sentences.
- Right now, you have a lot of very short simple sentences that cause your writing to sound choppy and disturbs the flow for the reader.
- There are a few grammar, vocabulary and punctuation errors that need to be corrected as well.
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2 Answers
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Hi vsuresh,
I really like the content of your composition. You have the most important component of a good story which is that I was interested in reading more after the first few sentences! I would suggest that you look at the first half of your compositon, and think about using more variety of compound and complex sentences. Right now, you have a lot of very short simple sentences that cause
I really like the content of your composition. You have the most important component of a good story which is that I was interested in reading more after the first few sentences! I would suggest that you look at the first half of your compositon, and think about using more variety of compound and complex sentences. Right now, you have a lot of very short simple sentences that cause
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Hi BaliLuv
Thank you very much for your comments. They are very helpful to me, a non native.
I will follow your advice.
Thank you very much for your comments. They are very helpful to me, a non native.
I will follow your advice.
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