Comma before "versus"?

Question

Hi all,I'm having a hard time with the following sentences:A concurrent observation was the degree to which this product-centric mindset was misaligned with sales improvement initiatives that focused exclusively on retooling the sales force to sell "value" or solutions, versus products and services.Robert began to think extensively about how marketing could better align its thinking and methods to provide the sales force with messages, "air cover," and tools that concentrated on positioning value effectively, versus product superiority and features.I tend to think the comma before "versus" in both cases doesn't belong, but then I'm left with a really long, awkward-looking sentence. (Compare to the sentence, "Not only do companies want their offerings to be perceived as solutions, a more recent trend is the desire for the company itself to be perceived in a different light as a provider of solutions versus the maker of products or provider of services," unparallel structure notwithstanding.)So which is grammatically correct in the first two cases: comma or no comma?Thanks in advance,Jennifer

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]Hi all, I'm having a hard time with the following sentences: A concurrent observation was the degree to which this ... structure notwithstanding.) So which is grammatically correct in the first two cases: comma or no comma? Thanks in advance, Jennifer[/nq]
No comma. I wouldn't worry about it though, these sentences are beyond help.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Hi all, I'm having a hard time with the following ... two cases: comma or no comma? Thanks in advance, Jennifer[/nq]
[nq:1]No comma. I wouldn't worry about it though, these sentences are beyond help.[/nq]
AOL

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Hi all, I'm having a hard time with the following sentences: A concurrent observation was the degree to which this ... provider of services," unparallel structure notwithstanding.) So which is grammatically correct in the first two cases: comma or no comma?[/nq]
I had a hard time with those sentences, too. Deciding between comma and no comma isn't a grammatical problem, but a punctuation one. We do tend to talk as though there are firm rules for commas, but it isn't entirely true. You often have to go by feel.
In this case, I think it's better without the comma, as the comma momentarily gives the reader a sense that "versus products..." is in some way separate from the preceding. That means I might read the sentence again, imagining that I'd missed an earlier comma which put the "...or solutions" clause in parenthesis to the main sentence; I'd then discover that this wasn't the case, and have to re-rethink.

The real problem is that the whole sentence is very heavy and hard to understand: if it were in ordinary plain words, I might perhaps not even have noticed the comma. "Rather than" or "instead of" would be better than "versus" here. You can't literally "retool" a sales force: tools are for manufacture, not for wimps in suits. "Product-centric mindset" is a horrible blend of management *** and new-agery: it would probably be all right on its own, but along with all the other leaden prose it's depressing.
So I'd suggest simpler words and shorter sentences, and the punctuation will probably take care of itself.

Mike.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Hi all, I'm having a hard time with the following ... correct in the first two cases: comma or no comma?[/nq]
[nq:1]I had a hard time with those sentences, too. Deciding between comma and no comma isn't a grammatical problem, but ... prose it's depressing. So I'd suggest simpler words and shorter sentences, and the punctuation will probably take care of itself.[/nq]
I have a hunch she's translating something or editing something and not the author. If so, she isn't going to have latitude to use plain English that makes sense. The author is probably one of those types who feels he or she has to write in this style to be taken seriously as an educated business-type. Pity.
The selection is meaningless prattle. It can't be rescued with punctuation. The author has a great career ahead of him or her writing Mission Statements.

Tony Cooper
Orlando, FL

Comma before "versus"?

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