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Contiluo Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Come off it
The paragraph originally written by a student has been revised by me. Please help me correct the errors. Thanks!
One weekend, three friends, Ricky, Laura and Johnson were hiking in the mountains. Suddenly, Ricky noticed three shiny objects flying together in the sky. He shouted, “Look, everybody, it must be UFOs!” Everyone was quiet and stared at the UFOs. They flew closer and then passed over the three friends. Ricky took out a small camera from his green bag. When he was going to take a snapshot of the UFOs, they disappeared in the twinkling of an eye. The three friends were disappointed. After that, they told their friends about the UFO encounter, but their friends just sniffed, “Come off it!” However, they just firmly believed what they saw were true UFOs.
One weekend, three friends, Ricky, Laura and Johnson were hiking in the mountains. Suddenly, Ricky noticed three shiny objects flying together in the sky. He shouted, “Look, everybody, it must be UFOs!” Everyone was quiet and stared at the UFOs. They flew closer and then passed over the three friends. Ricky took out a small camera from his green bag. When he was going to take a snapshot of the UFOs, they disappeared in the twinkling of an eye. The three friends were disappointed. After that, they told their friends about the UFO encounter, but their friends just sniffed, “Come off it!” However, they just firmly believed what they saw were true UFOs.
Top answer
One weekend, three friends, Ricky, Laura and John, were hiking in the mountains. Suddenly, Ricky noticed three shiny objects flying in formation in the sky. ” Everyone was quiet and stared at them.
- One weekend, three friends, Ricky, Laura and John, were hiking in the mountains.
- Suddenly, Ricky noticed three shiny objects flying in formation in the sky.
- ” Everyone was quiet and stared at them.
- They flew closer and then passed over the three friends.
- Ricky took out his camera, but just as he was going to take a snapshot, the UFOs disappeared in the twinkling of an eye.
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2 Answers
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One weekend, three friends, Ricky, Laura and John, were hiking in the mountains. Suddenly, Ricky noticed three shiny objects flying in formation in the sky. He shouted, “Look, everybody—UFOs!” Everyone was quiet and stared at them. They flew closer and then passed over the three friends. Ricky took out his camera, but just as he was going to take a snapshot, the UFOs disappeared in the twinklin
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contiluoAfter that, they told their friendsYou need the word other, before the word friends.
contiluoabout the UFO encounter, but their friends just sniffedThis use of the word friends, is repetitive. It would be better as but they just sniffed.
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