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Anonymous Posted 13 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
College Essay for UMICH
Howdy.
I'm writing a college essay for the University of Michigan and I wanted to see what people have to say about it.
Please just be brutally honest. I don't know you and you don't know me, so no hard feelings.
Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by shared geopgraphy, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong and describe that community and your place within it (250 words)
Upon becoming an American citizen just one month ago, I had to relinquish my loyalties and citizenship to Korea. Although my name and nationality changed, in my heart, I will always be a Korean. My family immigrated to America almost twelve years ago so that my brother and I could have the best possible education and be able to have the opportunity to achieve great things in life. To do so, my parents made the sacrifice to be separate from each other by thousands of miles. While my father worked in Korea to support us, my mother was working to raise us and send us to college. I believe that this trait of perseverance and hard work is something that is almost ingrained into the Korean culture and that I why I adore it so much.
Koreans are never content with their place in life. They do not “go with the flow,” or “leave it up to fate,” but instead, try to defy it as much as they can. Koreans work until they ache so that they can increase their chances at breaking out of their socioeconomic class and better their lives. It is because of this idea and work ethic that those that are impoverished can raise successful doctors and lawyers, even if the resources they were granted were less than that of others.
I am but a small person within this grand community, but I am glad that I am. Even though I face discrimination, I am not ashamed of my community, because I know that the people within my community have a drive to excel and be the best they can be. Ultimately, the key factor that is needed for success is the desire to do so. The assets that are granted mean nothing if it gone to waste. Koreans are people that preserve and with every granted opportunity, push themselves forward.
(315 words)
Thank you!
I'm writing a college essay for the University of Michigan and I wanted to see what people have to say about it.
Please just be brutally honest. I don't know you and you don't know me, so no hard feelings.
Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by shared geopgraphy, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong and describe that community and your place within it (250 words)
Upon becoming an American citizen just one month ago, I had to relinquish my loyalties and citizenship to Korea. Although my name and nationality changed, in my heart, I will always be a Korean. My family immigrated to America almost twelve years ago so that my brother and I could have the best possible education and be able to have the opportunity to achieve great things in life. To do so, my parents made the sacrifice to be separate from each other by thousands of miles. While my father worked in Korea to support us, my mother was working to raise us and send us to college. I believe that this trait of perseverance and hard work is something that is almost ingrained into the Korean culture and that I why I adore it so much.
Koreans are never content with their place in life. They do not “go with the flow,” or “leave it up to fate,” but instead, try to defy it as much as they can. Koreans work until they ache so that they can increase their chances at breaking out of their socioeconomic class and better their lives. It is because of this idea and work ethic that those that are impoverished can raise successful doctors and lawyers, even if the resources they were granted were less than that of others.
I am but a small person within this grand community, but I am glad that I am. Even though I face discrimination, I am not ashamed of my community, because I know that the people within my community have a drive to excel and be the best they can be. Ultimately, the key factor that is needed for success is the desire to do so. The assets that are granted mean nothing if it gone to waste. Koreans are people that preserve and with every granted opportunity, push themselves forward.
(315 words)
Thank you!
Top answer
I would expect an essay structure like this. An introductory paragraph A paragraph to describe the community you have chosen to talk about. A paragraph to describe your place within that community.
- I would expect an essay structure like this.
- An introductory paragraph A paragraph to describe the community you have chosen to talk about.
- A paragraph to describe your place within that community.
- A concluding paragraph.
- I don't see this structure (or any clear structure) in what you have written.
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1 Answers
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I would expect an essay structure like this.
An introductory paragraph
A paragraph to describe the community you have chosen to talk about.
A paragraph to describe your place within that community.
An introductory paragraph
A paragraph to describe the community you have chosen to talk about.
A paragraph to describe your place within that community.
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