College Admissions Essay

I have written my college essay and need some help editing. The directions for both pieces are below. Thank you so much.




ESSAY DIRECTIONS

Holy Names University is a community of educators and students dedicated to learning through a framework of social justice and service. HNU is also a dynamic and very diverse community where students prepare for leadership in a global world by living and studying with people from many different backgrounds.

One of the requirements of admission to the HNU community is for you to tell us a little bit about yourself in the context of social justice, service, and diversity. While there are several ways to consider these three issues, we are interested in knowing more about the ways you see them.

College Admission Essay to Holy Names University

By Christian Dean

November 7, 2010

Social Justice, Service, and Diversity. As I sit here to begin my writing, I come to realize that all three of these words have a similar meaning, the well-being of human kind. Social Justice is equal justice in all aspects of society, service is an act of helpful activity, and diversity is the state or fact of being different, or unlike. Such small words can have a impact on all of our lives, especially my own.

In September 2005 during my freshman year, my health and careers teacher gave out permission slips to attend a Challenge Day. He explained the program to break down barriers in high schools around discrimination, create a school where every child feels safe, love, and celebrated, and embrace all the differences in every one of us. For so long, I never was able to feel safe or that I wasn’t being teased. I decided to try out the day long program; it changed my life completely. Throughout my high school years, I attended Challenge Day as a young leader setting an example of leadership and change. I’ve gotten extremely close with the founders, Rich and Yvonne St. John- Dutra, who have asked me to speak at two fundraisers for the organization with attendance well over 1000 people. Recently I was invited to work for Challenge Day as a Youth Director. I am currently working with four other young adults to put together a youth conference for 2,500 young people to empower them with the tools appropriate to be a leader in their school. In this organization are different cultures and people from all backgrounds, this enables me to embrace the wonderful aspects of each person I meet, seeing the beauty in everyone. During my last year of high school, I was recommended by my principal to be a Debutante. He recommended me for my good efforts in community service around campus, my presidency in the Be The Change - Challenge Day Club, and my top editor leadership in Journalism. During the nine month period, we did a numerous amount of community service and a Relay for Life. Before my experience at the Relay for life, I had a sense of what cancer was but after that day, I’ve had the deepest passion for its’ awareness. I was also invited by Challenge Day to go to on the Oprah Show to do a piece about Obese Families, which aired January 2009. I was grateful for the opportunity to again, set an example of what loving and embracing yourself looks like.

Equal justice is important to me because it’s what keeps society peaceful, It gives a fair example to every person in existence and allows no higher being of another person. Service is what life is built upon. Without someone to serve, how can we help one another and reach out. Diversity is all around us. It’s something that we can not fight against because it’s deeply rooted into all of our lives.

My biggest passion in life is the health and well-being of women. I have a vision of serving them by empowerment to believe in themselves and love exactly who and what they are. I believe if everyone loved themselves, then that makes room for the world to love them.


Directions; Please describe a situation in your life when a person you respected would have said you were a leader. As you think about that situation, describe whether you were serving others, leading by example, motivating, organizing, or all of the above. What do you think the relationship is between leading and serving?


In March 2008, I was asked by the founders of Challenge Day, Rich and Yvonne St. John-Dutra, to tell my story of the shy girl at a fundraiser of over 1000 people. Because Challenge Day is near and dear to my heart, I was excited and eager to help the organization in any way. I met with Rich St. John-Dutra a week before the fundraiser and he encouraged me to just be real and feel all of whatever I was feeling in the moments I was speaking to the audience. I didn’t realize until I got to the event just how important this all meant. The event had begun and I began to feel very nervous, but remembered that Rich encouraged me to just let whatever I was feeling, flow through. After the introduction of the organization and it’s leaders, came my turn to express my passion and love for Challenge Day. I nervously came up to the podium with lights shining in my face, I could hardly see anyone. As I looked up into the lights, I took a deep breathe, released the tears, breathed a soft and heartwarming breathe into the microphone, and started my story.

“I used to be the shy girl in the back of the room, with no confidence and no self-esteem and today I stand before you all, a crowded room of over one thousand people, to encourage YOU to step outside of your comfort zone and do what you’ve never done before.”

When I said that the entire room lit up with tears and courage and love. I felt like my life story was a motivation for others, and it was. This experience was one I’ll never forget, I was able to serve others, but helping and serving myself.

The relationship between leading and serving are alike because they both benefit. Anyone that is leading has served. They’ve served not only themselves, but the others around them are benefiting from their good works. Serving is a form of giving back, it has a lot to do with leading in the aspect of being an example.