Coherence
Hello,
Which passage reads better?
1. Many people lived in the same city. This meant that not everyone needed to raise crops or animals. Some people could do special work. For example, workers would build houses, artists could make pots, arts, and crafts, and priests could do religious work. People learned to divide the jobs so that everyone in the city could benefit. This led to different groups of people with specialized skills and abilities. This led to different classes of people.
2. Many people lived in the same city. This meant that not everyone needed to raise crops or animals. This led to different groups of people with specialized skills and abilities. Some people could do special work. For example, workers would build houses, artists could make pots, arts, and crafts, and priests could do religious work. People learned to divide the jobs so that everyone in the city could benefit. This led to different classes of people.
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They are all the same. But the position of the sentence "This led to different groups of people with specialized skills and abilities" is different. (My student's question about the coherence, actually.)
Top answer
I prefer version two, as it sets out the general idea, or mini-thesis first, which happens to be a sequence of events. Too many of the sentences start with 'this': perhaps 'as a consequence' or 'which resulted in' instead.
- I prefer version two, as it sets out the general idea, or mini-thesis first, which happens to be a sequence of events.
- Too many of the sentences start with 'this': perhaps 'as a consequence' or 'which resulted in' instead.
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I prefer version two, as it sets out the general idea, or mini-thesis first, which happens to be a sequence of events. Too many of the sentences start with 'this': perhaps 'as a consequence' or 'which resulted in' instead.
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