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Contiluo Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
civilized peson
Please help me correct the paragraph. Thanks!
If you describe a society as civilized, you mean that it is advanced and has sensible laws and customs. Thus, we should think about what it means to be a civilized person. A civilized person is honest; he will neither deceive others for his own profit nor cover up his own mistakes with lies. A civilized person is civic-minded; he won’t harm public interests for his own convenience. A civilized person is able to relate to his environment; he speaks and acts like a sophisticated gentleman, dresses properly, and talks decently. A civilized person is well-mannered, polite or diplomatic; he knows how to say "please" and "thank you."
If you describe a society as civilized, you mean that it is advanced and has sensible laws and customs. Thus, we should think about what it means to be a civilized person. A civilized person is honest; he will neither deceive others for his own profit nor cover up his own mistakes with lies. A civilized person is civic-minded; he won’t harm public interests for his own convenience. A civilized person is able to relate to his environment; he speaks and acts like a sophisticated gentleman, dresses properly, and talks decently. A civilized person is well-mannered, polite or diplomatic; he knows how to say "please" and "thank you."
Top answer
You only used "he" to refer to the civilized person in your paragraph, which is highly gender-specific. You repeated the same sentence structure for most of your paragraph, which makes it feel more like a collection of notes. I also think you meant to write "polite and diplomatic" instead of "polite or diplomatic"!
- You only used "he" to refer to the civilized person in your paragraph, which is highly gender-specific.
- You repeated the same sentence structure for most of your paragraph, which makes it feel more like a collection of notes.
- I also think you meant to write "polite and diplomatic" instead of "polite or diplomatic"!
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1 Answers
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You only used "he" to refer to the civilized person in your paragraph, which is highly gender-specific.
You repeated the same sentence structure for most of your paragraph, which makes it feel more like a collection of notes.
I also think you meant to write "polite and diplomatic" instead of "polite or diplomatic"!
You repeated the same sentence structure for most of your paragraph, which makes it feel more like a collection of notes.
I also think you meant to write "polite and diplomatic" instead of "polite or diplomatic"!
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