Citizenship Test

Question

Another version from the Guardian.http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,1037231,00.htmlOn the Guardian page, the answers follow the questions. I have transposed them to the end of the quiz.1. Which sentence best sums up your reasons for wishing to come to Britain?A) "I wish to live in a land free from spin."B) "Someone at home told me that in Britain the streets are paved with Ferrero Rocher"C) "In my country there are no 24 hour petrol stations. How am I to pursue my dream of selling condoms to strangers in the dead of night?" D) "I want to extend my debt load."2. English: what's wrong with this notice?: "LOVELY BANANA'S £1 A LB"A) This is too much money even for very lovely bananas B) nothing, it's fineC) the weight should be in kilograms as per EU directive D) the apostrophe should not be there3. Complete the following: "Eleanor Rigby, ....'A) "... last wife of Henry VIII"B) "... picks up the rice in the church where the wedding has been." C) "... wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door" D) "... la la la la, la la la, la la la, la la laaaaa ..."4. Which of the following is considered the most significant milestone inBritish history?A) the execution of Charles IB) Labour's 1997 election victoryC) when Del Boy fell through the barD) the formation of the NHS5. Who is Alastair Campbell?A) he is the Prime Minister's press spokesmanB) he is the Prime Minister's former press spokesman C) he used to be deputy Prime Minister or something D) don't know, never heard of himANSWERS:1 A2 B. Many would-be Brits miss this one by trying too hard. Nobody likes apedant!3 D4 Answer: any of these are fine, but you get two points for B5 D. Welcome to Britain. Help yourself to an A-level on the way in. Taketwo, they're easy.John DeanOxfordDe-frag to reply

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]Another version from the Guardian. http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,1037231,00.html On the Guardian page, the answers follow the questions. I have transposed them to the end of the quiz.[/nq]
I'll add my own favourite...
In the past 12 months, what reasons have been given for trains running late?

A. The weather is too hot
B. The weather is too cold
C. They were running late yesterday
D. The trains are on time, the schedules are wrong E. They are running late because they were not on time F. All of the above
Answer: F

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Another version from the Guardian. http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,1037231,00.html On the Guardian page, the answers follow the questions. I have transposed them to ... up your reasons for wishing to come to Britain? A) "I wish to live in a land free from spin."[/nq]
The whole world spins, and Britain too. England swing like a pendulum too, bobbies on bicycles two by two ...
[nq:1]B) "Someone at home told me that in Britain the streets are paved with Ferrero Rocher" C) "In my country ... my dream of selling condoms to strangers in the dead of night?" D) "I want to extend my debt load."[/nq]
E) None of the above, but I'll visit just the same.
[nq:1]2. English: what's wrong with this notice?: "LOVELY BANANA'S £1 A LB" A) This is too much money even for very lovely bananas B) nothing, it's fine C) the weight should be in kilograms as per EU directive D) the apostrophe should not be there[/nq]
And it should be "per" lb.
[nq:1]4. Which of the following is considered the most significant milestone in British history? A) the execution of Charles I B) Labour's 1997 election victory C) when Del Boy fell through the bar D) the formation of the NHS[/nq]
All of the above.
[nq:1]5. Who is Alastair Campbell? A) he is the Prime Minister's press spokesman B) he is the Prime Minister's former press spokesman C) he used to be deputy Prime Minister or something D) don't know, never heard of him[/nq]
I wish I hadn't heard of him.
[nq:1]ANSWERS: 1 A 2 B. Many would-be Brits miss this one by trying too hard. Nobody likes a pedant! 3 ... for B 5 D. Welcome to Britain. Help yourself to an A-level on the way in. Take two, they're easy.[/nq]
Why does Tony Blair look like that guy from "The New Statesman" Al'un B'Stard?
FRAN

Usenet · Answer

John Dean wibbled
[nq:1]Another version from the Guardian.[/nq]
British Citizenship Examination, to be taken by all inhabitants of the UK. Candidates must see what they can do. Time allowed: a fair bit.

History
1. In what year did George Stephenson invent the rocket salad?
2. What events led up to the beheading of Charlie Dimmock?
3. When did Delia Smith defeat the Spanish empanada?
4. Magna Carta laid down, for the first time, the offside rule insoccer. True or false?
5. State the exact alcoholic content of: a. the Dunkirk Spirit, b. theSpirit of the Blitz.
6. What was the date of the abolition of the death penalty for puttingthe milk in before the tea?
7. Is Sir Terence Conran famous as: a. the true author of the works ofShakespeare, b. the inventor of the Hovercraft or c. the "father" of the multiple choice question?
8. What offence was committed by Princess Michael of Kent which meantthat she was forbidden to set foot outside that county?

Customs
1. State the difference between a butty and a bap.
2. Only one of the following is not a girl's name. Which one is it?Ciabatta; Foccacia; Ryvita; Stoneground Wholemeal.
3. Where would you expect to find a watershed?
4. Which of the following ought not to be allowed? a. wearing a dresslike that at her age, b. dogs on the beach, c. speed bumps, d. television repeats, e. all that gallivanting.
5. Explain the difference between a barber and a gents' hairdresser.
6. Consider the following: Hi, Hello, All the Best, No Prob, OK, SeeYou, *** Bless, Take Care, Ciao. Which one of these is not a magazine about celebrities?
7. Are "Plus Fours" new examinations to be taken by pre-primaryschoolchildren or accumulator bets on Channel 4 Racing?

Etiquette
1. In a washroom do you yank down the roller towel in its dispenserbefore or after drying your hands? In what circumstances is it permissible to dry your hands under the blow-drying machine using hot air left behind by the previous user?
2. At the supermarket, whose responsibility is it to put the "NextCustomer Please" sign on the conveyor belt? The customer in front or the customer behind? The check-out person? Or the customer who has purchased the greatest bulk of disposable nappies?
3. In the vet's waiting room, which creature traditionally hasprecedence? a. the off-colour goldfish, b. the budgerigar with a stammer, c. the enraged Pekinese.
4. Whose shout is it? Put down all your calculations to show how youreached your answer.
Sport
1. In not more than 3,500 words, explain what is wrong with Spurs,paying particular attention to the midfield.
2. List the three most common afflictions suffered by soccer referees.
3. In which sport is the term "Aggers" used?
4. Using examples, explain the meaning of: a. "motivated", b."pressure" and c. "his all" - as in "Jenkins gave his all".
5. Pole Dancing was the only event in which Britain won a gold medal atthe last Olympics. True or false?
Culture

1. What was Inspector Morse's mother's maiden name?
2. Name two characters in EastEnders who are not murderers.
3. What can the hands that do dishes be as soft as?
4. In The Archers, is Brookfield Farm mostly arable or livestock?
5. Which one of the following is not the name of a rock group? Bewareof the Bull; Thank You for Not Smoking; Stand Well Back from the Edge of the Platform.
6. What caused the Carry On films to stop?
Jac

Usenet · Answer

While it was 9/9/03 2:26 am throughout the UK, John Dean sprinkled little black dots on a white screen, and they fell thus:
[nq:1]Another version from the Guardian. http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,1037231,00.html On the Guardian page, the answers follow the questions. I have transposed them to the end of the quiz.[/nq]
[nq:1]ANSWERS: 1 A 2 B. Many would-be Brits miss this one by trying too hard. Nobody likes a pedant! 3 ... for B 5 D. Welcome to Britain. Help yourself to an A-level on the way in. Take two, they're easy.[/nq]
I think I get it now. They're the answers that confirm a prospective client as British, as distinct from the correct answers.

But I guess the answers that would indicate that someone really belongs in Britain are another matter entirely..
Stewart.

My e-mail is valid but not my primary mailbox. Please keep replies on on the 'group where everyone may benefit.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]3. Where would you expect to find a watershed?[/nq]
1. Are the Andes

Richard

Spam filter: to mail me from a .com/.net site, put my surname in the headers.

FreeBSD rules!

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Another version from the Guardian.[/nq]
I have been forced to read The Telegraph recently (The Times is now discriminating against me - overseas readers now have to pay a subscription to read it on the net whereas the locals can still get it for free - based on IP number I suppose)
Anyway - from reading there I found a new item that might well serve as a discriminant for true Englishmen. The question would read something like:
Q. What is a left-handed chinaman?
a) Somebody who uses a knife and fork instead of chopsticks when dining at a Chinese restaurant.
b) Somebody who is bi-sexual or gender-changed.
c) Sometimes confused with a Googly
d) A Tea Clipper that sailed via Cape Horn instead of Cape of Good Hope.
Jitze

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Another version from the Guardian. http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,1037231,00.html On the Guardian page, the answers follow the questions. I have transposed them to the end of the quiz.[/nq]
[nq:1]I'll add my own favourite... In the past 12 months, what reasons have been given for trains running late? A. ... are wrong E. They are running late because they were not on time F. All of the above Answer: F[/nq]
You forgot a couple: 'leaves on the line' and 'the wrong sort of snow'.

wrmst rgrds
Robin Bignall
Quiet part of Hertfordshire
England
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/docrobin/homepage.htm

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]John Dean wibbled[/nq]
[nq:2]Another version from the Guardian.[/nq]
[nq:1]British Citizenship Examination, to be taken by all inhabitants of the UK. Candidates must see what they can do.[/nq]
As an American, I prefer to give it my best shot.
[nq:1]Time allowed: a fair bit. History 1. In what year did George Stephenson invent the rocket salad?[/nq]
Yonks before Hiram Maxim invented bangers and mache.
[nq:1]2. What events led up to the beheading of Charlie Dimmock?[/nq]
A 'mock trial.
[nq:1]3. When did Delia Smith defeat the Spanish empanada?[/nq]
You know, a lot of the meat pasties you see around Cornwall are descended from that.
[nq:1]4. Magna Carta laid down, for the first time, the offside rule in soccer. True or false?[/nq]
False. It's part of the Great Unwritten British Constitution.
[nq:1]5. State the exact alcoholic content of: a. the Dunkirk Spirit, b. the Spirit of the Blitz.[/nq]
a. It's all just water nowadays.
b. It's all just willowherb nowadays.
[nq:1]6. What was the date of the abolition of the death penalty for putting the milk in before the tea?[/nq]
Pas devant la au pair!
[nq:1]7. Is Sir Terence Conran famous as: a. the true author of the works of Shakespeare, b. the inventor of the Hovercraft or c. the "father" of the multiple choice question?[/nq]
He tore down the Berlin Wall. No, I tell a lie, that was Sir Alec Guinness.
[nq:1]8. What offence was committed by Princess Michael of Kent which meant that she was forbidden to set foot outside that county?[/nq]
Saying "I fink I'd like a glass of miwk."
[nq:1]Customs[/nq]
Nothing to declare.
[nq:1]1. State the difference between a butty and a bap.[/nq]
I've never even been north of Watford, mate.
[nq:1]2. Only one of the following is not a girl's name. Which one is it? Ciabatta; Foccacia; Ryvita; Stoneground Wholemeal.[/nq]
S. W., but I would have gotten it wrong if you'd said "Michael".
[nq:1]3. Where would you expect to find a watershed?[/nq]
At the end of the day, to coin a phrase.
[nq:1]4. Which of the following ought not to be allowed? a. wearing a dress like that at her age, b. dogs on the beach, c. speed bumps, d. television repeats, e. all that gallivanting.[/nq]
a, b, c, d, e, and bullfighting.
[nq:1]5. Explain the difference between a barber and a gents' hairdresser.[/nq]
Anyone seen in a gents' hairdressers after the age of thirty has been a failure in life.
[nq:1]6. Consider the following: Hi, Hello, All the Best, No Prob, OK, See You, *** Bless, Take Care, Ciao. Which one of these is not a magazine about celebrities?[/nq]
Ciao it's about food.
[nq:1]7. Are "Plus Fours" new examinations to be taken by pre-primary schoolchildren or accumulator bets on Channel 4 Racing?[/nq]
Some new posh kind of oven, right?
[nq:1]Etiquette 1. In a washroom do you yank[/nq]
Watch that!
[nq:1]down the roller towel in its dispenser before or after drying your hands? In what circumstances is it permissible to dry your hands under the blow-drying machine using hot air left behind by the previous user?[/nq]
If your aim's good, mate, you don't have to wash your hands.
[nq:1]2. At the supermarket, whose responsibility is it to put the "Next Customer Please" sign on the conveyor belt? The customer in front or the customer behind? The check-out person? Or the customer who has purchased the greatest bulk of disposable nappies?[/nq]
The great lout who's listening to rap music on his headphones and glares at you when you nudge him, quite gently, because he hasn't noticed that the queue has moved forward.
[nq:1]3. In the vet's waiting room, which creature traditionally has precedence? a. the off-colour goldfish, b. the budgerigar with a stammer, c. the enraged Pekinese.[/nq]
c, if it's being put down.
[nq:1]4. Whose shout is it? Put down all your calculations to show how you reached your answer.[/nq]
Look, it was mine last time. You lot work the rest out yourselves.
[nq:1]Sport 1. In not more than 3,500 words, explain what is wrong with Spurs, paying particular attention to the midfield.[/nq]
They don't have a hope without David Robinson.
[nq:1]2. List the three most common afflictions suffered by soccer referees.[/nq]
Blindness, moral corruption, and out-of-control supporters.
[nq:1]3. In which sport is the term "Aggers" used?[/nq]
Gridiron, but you misspelled "Aggies".
[nq:1]4. Using examples, explain the meaning of: a. "motivated", b. "pressure" and c. "his all" - as in "Jenkins gave his all".[/nq]
a. Heard that members of manufactured girl groups like successful footballers.
b. The situation of preferring not to become a knowledge boy.

c. Red card.
[nq:1]5. Pole Dancing was the only event in which Britain won a gold medal at the last Olympics. True or false?[/nq]
Really, it was bally good work to beat the Poles at their own sport!
[nq:1]Culture 1. What was Inspector Morse's mother's maiden name?[/nq]
I'm glad the Sunday Telegraph knows about SDC teasers.
[nq:1]2. Name two characters in EastEnders who are not murderers.[/nq]
That dog and wossname, the beak.
[nq:1]3. What can the hands that do dishes be as soft as?[/nq]
Fotherington-Thomas.
[nq:1]4. In The Archers, is Brookfield Farm mostly arable or livestock?[/nq]
Arable, if that means suitable to be sold to Arabs.
[nq:1]5. Which one of the following is not the name of a rock group? Beware of the Bull; Thank You for Not Smoking; Stand Well Back from the Edge of the Platform.[/nq]
A trick question. The only correct answer is Committee on Standards in Public Life, since they broke up.
[nq:1]6. What caused the Carry On films to stop?[/nq]
Vultures.

Jerry Friedman will get 'is coat.

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