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Henrietta Posted 21 years ago
Jokes, Puzzles & Riddles
Church Bulletin Bloopers
I received this by email, some of them are hilarious! I especially like the one about the bean supper LOL!
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
*The cost of the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
*During the evening service Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Bill's sermons.
*The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
*Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
*The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM Please use the back door.
*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
*Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
*The cost of the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
*Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
*Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
*During the evening service Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Bill's sermons.
*The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
*A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
*At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
*Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
*Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
*The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
*This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
*The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM Please use the back door.
*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Top answer
Henrietta, they are really funny! Here's my contribution to the church topic. A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
- Henrietta, they are really funny!
- Here's my contribution to the church topic.
- A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
- After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
- The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
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2 Answers
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Henrietta, they are really funny! 
Here's my contribution to the church topic.
A new priest at his first mass was
Here's my contribution to the church topic.
A new priest at his first mass was
00
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