Checking Writing Task 2 - Ngocanh

Question

Hi all,Please help me check my answer for a topic in writing task 2 as below. Thanks for your support.--quote--Question:As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilites. To what extend do you agree or disagree?Answer:Recently, corporate social responsibility has become increasingly popular with businesses, besides profit. In my point of view, I completely agree that a company should pay more attention to support society than simply make money.On the one hand, making money is the most important part of business. First of all, profit is used to cover all running costs, such as staffs’ salaries, administration costs, depreciation costs. Another vital purpose of profit is using it for research and development, especially in the competitive environment like business. It is very reasonable that good financial health must be considered before any other activities like social obligations.However, in the other hand, a corporate which are good at social responsibility will get great benefit in terms of both financial objectives and brandname building. Before caring about other people, managers or business owners have to care about their employees such as paying salaries on time, providing good working conditions and environment for employee’s improvements. I also like the idea that businesses could spend a partial amount of profit to support community. A company can sponsor for education projects, take part in environment activities or volunteer at orphanages. These activities will help one brands become more friendly with their consumers and also help businesses minimize their tax payment legally.To conclude, I highly recommend that companies should place the importance of social responsibilty equal with financial objectives.--unquote---Ngoc Anh

Clive · Accepted Answer

Here are a few comments on structuring any essay.

Question:

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilites. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

Recently, corporate social responsibility has become increasingly popular with businesses, besides profit. ~~In my point of view,~~ I ~~completely~~ agree that a company should pay more attention to support society than simply make money. Your introduction is too short. End it by stating briefly the main point you will discuss in each of your two body paragraphs. The idea is to give the reader an idea of where your essay is going.

On the one hand, making money is the most important part of business. First of all, profit is used to cover all running costs, such as staffs’ salaries, administration costs, depreciation costs. Another vital purpose of profit is using it for research and development, especially in the competitive environment like business. It is very reasonable that good financial health must be considered before any other activities like social obligations.

However, in the other hand, a corporate which are good at social responsibility will get great benefit in terms of both financial objectives and brandname building. Before caring about other people, managers or business owners have to care about their employees such as paying salaries on time, providing good working conditions and environment for employee’s improvements. I also like the idea that businesses could spend a partial amount of profit to support community. A company can sponsor for education projects, take part in environment activities or volunteer at orphanages. These activities will help one brands become more friendly with their consumers and also help businesses minimize their tax payment legally.

To conclude, I ~~highly~~ recommend that companies should place the importance of social responsibilty equal with financial objectives. Your conclusion is too short. Begin it by briefly reviewing your two main points from your two body paragraphs.

Here's the overall approach.

In the intro, say briefly what you are going to do.

Then do it, in body paragraphs.

In the conclusion, say what you have done.

OK?

________

PS

In your intro, you say social responsibilities are more important.

In your conclusion, you say they are equally important.

Which is it?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Recently, corporate social responsibility has become increasingly popular with businesses, besides profit. In my point of view, I completely agree that a company should pay more attention to support (incorrect verb form) society than simply make (incorrect verb form) money.

On the

On the one hand, making money is the most important part of business. First of all, profit (Your words do not conform to the definition of profit.) is used to cover all running costs, such as staffs’ salaries, administration costs, (missing word) depreciation costs. Another vital purpose of profit is using it for research and development, especially in today's competitive business environment ~~like business~~. It is very reasonable that good financial health must be considered before any other activities like social obligations.

~~However~~, in the other hand, a corporate which are good at social responsibility will get great benefit in terms of both financial objectives and brandname building. Before caring about other people, managers or business owners have to care about their employees such as paying salaries on time, providing good working conditions and (missing word) environment for employee’s improvements. I also like the idea that businesses could spend a partial amount of profit to support (missing word) community. A company can sponsor for education projects, take part in environment activities or volunteer at orphanages (Volunteer is something that people, not companies, do.) These activities will help one brands become more friendly with their consumers and also help businesses minimize their tax payment legally.

To conclude, I highly recommend that companies should place the importance of social responsibilty equal with financial objectives.

Checking Writing Task 2 - Ngocanh

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