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Nonodiv Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Checking and evaluing my text

hi guys, could some check this essay for me and value it out of 25. If possible rewrite in a better form.
The topic is Enlightenment and Anarchism. Please answer very soon as Iam having the exam very soon, especially you AlpheccaStars, teechr, Mr.michawber?
her is my draft:
On the on hand, Enlightenment is an intellectual movement that aimed to tell people how to conduct their lives and how to get rid of chains imposed on them. On the other hand, Anarchism aimed to destroy all the powers that deny people from employing their cleverness, rationality and unity in managing their affairs because these powers do a big harm for them and doesn't have any concern for people's interests. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of The Enlightenment is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that everyone should have the curiosity to take care of themselves on their own and start practicing critical thinking about common things like liberty. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This means that if we let the others judge for us and choose what we should do, we will be like a toy that its owner could move like he/she wants, and if we find someone to help us with our jobs, we will never be autonomous and independent people. For example, if I find an expert to help me with my homework, I will depend on his help and always use him as my reference. Anarchists believe that the typical form of states and theocracy do a big harm for people and oppresses them, so it must be replaced by a new one managed by the people themselves. An anarchist society must show respect for the interests of the society, individuals' freedom and what support both like technology. Some modern anarchists believe that free will must be maintained in people's relations and their choices must be based on freedom, and anything that constrain freedom like habits and customs must be rejected It is very imperative to know what you do and question those who rule you, but sometimes obedience is an essential element. The only thing that can help you to develop your abilities is freedom, and this what made the Enlightenment philosophers criticize all the chains imposed on freedom. The Enlightenment and anarchism were the beginning of the end of the imperialism and dynastic rulers.

Someone can think himself free, but in reality he is enslaved by the power of others like government rules as what Rousseau said "man is born free and everywhere he is in chains". This tells that people were created to be free and all the powers that take away their freedom must be destroyed and removed because people should not be forced to do something they don't want. They were created to breathe freedom; not misery and oppression of those who think themselves superiors to their subjects. Rousseau added "the most ancient of all societies, and the only one that is natural, is the family". Family is the first institution we were born in and learned in. Our family gives us the needed care, and as long as we grow up, they leave us control ourselves and live independently. This is what people should be like. They must let themselves be controlled only for their benefit. "To yield to force is an act of necessity; not of will-at the most, an act of prudence". If we find that a commonwealth lives under the yoke of power, this is for sure not because of their will but because of coercion because it is impossible that power creates right. Instead, they should obey only legitimate authorities.

In conclusion, man should always be free and all the chains must disappear, but this thing is not easy because there are many powers that stand against us, so we should be powerful people that nothing can hamper our freedom. We must refuse slavery and not make our masters by renouncing everything we have, and let them control us because he who renounces his freedom, has lost his character and doesn't think. I agree with Rousseau that people who enslave themselves by renouncing free will, autonomy and questioning, and who does this have lost everything. "For him who renounces everything no indemnity is possible
  

Top answer

The keys to a good essay are structure and organization. Sorry, but I don't see either of these in your essay. Have you been taught yet how to write an essay?

  • The keys to a good essay are structure and organization.
  • Sorry, but I don't see either of these in your essay.
  • Have you been taught yet how to write an essay?
  • What is the purpose of your essay?
  • Or did your teacher simply tell you 'Write as much as you can about the Enlightenment and about Anarchism'?
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3 Answers
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The keys to a good essay are structure and organization. Sorry, but I don't see either of these in your essay.
Have you been taught yet how to write an essay?

What is the purpose of your essay? Or did your teacher simply tell you 'Write as much as you can about the Enlightenment and a
0
Does it now look better??
Looking at today's societies, you can find that they are based on different political philosophies. On the one hand, the Enlightenment is an intellectual movement that aimed to tell people how to conduct their lives and how to get rid of chains imposed on them. On the other hand, Anarchism is a political philosophy that aimed to destroy all the powers that are harmfu
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Let me repeat what I said.

The keys to a good essay are structure and organization. Sorry, but I don't see either of these in your essay.
Have you been taught yet how to write an essay?

What is the purpose of your essay? Or did

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