0
Anonymous Posted 12 years ago

Check Out My Poem?

You

When I opened my eyes I could only see darkness
But the light of your eyes cleared the room
First I thought, what is this madness?
And then you laughed and made me relume

Your peaceful smile gave me hope
I looked everywhere and had no clue
At first I could only see smoke
But now I can only see you
  

Top answer

I like it, but your meter is off. It should flow something like this: When I opened my eyes I saw darkness, but the light of your eyes cleared the room. First I thought I was lost in the madness; then you laughed and you made me relume.

— Mister Micawber

  • I like it, but your meter is off.
  • It should flow something like this: When I opened my eyes I saw darkness, but the light of your eyes cleared the room.
  • First I thought I was lost in the madness; then you laughed and you made me relume.
  • The peace of your smile made me hopeful; I looked everywhere without clue.
  • When I woke, I could only see vapours, but now I can only see you
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

1 Answers
0
I like it, but your meter is off. It should flow something like this:

When I opened my eyes I saw darkness,
but the light of your eyes cleared the room.
First I thought I was lost in the madness;
then you laughed and you made me relume.
The peace of your smile made me hopeful;
I looked everywhere without clue.
When I wo
0

Related Questions