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Anonymous Posted 20 years ago
Letter Writing

Check my Statement of Purpose Plsss

Help me with this Plsssssss

I believe that life is not just about sitting and planning rather it is more importantly, about going out and implementing. My working experience gave me chance to understand my real vocation. Working at several positions I have realized that my managerial skills need further improvement in order to facilitate local non-government or governmental organizations and help strengthen the development process. My purpose for seeking a Master’s degree in Business Administration is to develop talent to lead, manage, analyze, negotiate and make a difference in economical and social aspects of development process.The need of the professionals who are true managers - managers who have to facilitate a radical change in the way of economical development is looked upon today. Despite the fact, that there are significant changes in the development process of ***, the main problem existing in our reality is the result of bad management.Clear management system is a guarantee of companies’ successful activities.Working for two years at microfinance program of International organization I experienced a lot in starting and developing process of small and medium sized business in our region. The process of research and monitoring revealed the main challenges focused on strategy making, organizational management and marketing issues. All these matters made them to terminate an activity or work without profit.All these facts prompt me to learn about ways to prevent these types of problems. I decide to focus my studies on business administration in order to equip myself with tools I would need to make a real contribution. Later, I applied to the position of manager in”*** Tennis Club”, working with club’s staff members was the real world-experience. The position has given the opportunity to meet several people in order to lead the club’s functioning successful. As a club manager, I tried to increase the number of our clients, I worked on marketing issues and made an effort to interest people. As a result, our club’s attendance rose in 30%. My management skills and self- confidence was enhanced by that successful experience.Since I joined STI/AIDS Prevention Project I have always shown high dedication to my job. I have demonstrated good management skills in implementing activities planned by project management. Even though I was the only person representing *** *** in ***, I organized World Aids Day campaign successfully. I involved a number of high level health authorities in *** as well as obtained co-funding from the business sector to support WAD activities in ***. Later, I received the letter of appreciation for my contribution from Country Office Director.Despite my experience, I still lack some important knowledge and management skills. The fact that more than 50% MBA students come from developing countries ensures me that the class discussions will focus on the problems faced by developing countries. The MBA program is the perfect opportunity for increasing my theoretical and practical knowledge by interacting with my classmates. MBA will help me strengthen skills necessary to secure a leading position and will prepare me to accomplish my long-term ambition of building business consulting group in our region, focused on marketing aspects mainly. By developing and maximizing my knowledge MBA will allow me to make concrete steps in the development process of my region and my country.
  

Top answer

Hi, My first reaction is that one huge paragraph is usually a sign of disorganized thoughts. It makes me reluctant to read it. I suggest that you rework it into several shorter paragraphs, and then resubmit it here for comments.

  • Hi, My first reaction is that one huge paragraph is usually a sign of disorganized thoughts.
  • It makes me reluctant to read it.
  • I suggest that you rework it into several shorter paragraphs, and then resubmit it here for comments.
  • Each paragraph should have a different focus.
  • eg Why you should accept me as an MBA student My previous experience My future goals Best wishes, Clive
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5 Answers
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Hi,

My first reaction is that one huge paragraph is usually a sign of disorganized thoughts. It makes me reluctant to read it.

I suggest that you rework it into several shorter paragraphs, and then resubmit it here for comments. Each paragraph should have a different focus. eg

Why you should accept me as an MBA student

My previous experience
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thanks for your reply

it's written by paragraphs but I sent it as a whole text
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I have devided it due to the paragraphs

I believe that life is not just about sitting and planning rather it is more importantly, about going out and implementing. My working experience gave me chance to understand my real vocation. Working at several positions I have realized that my managerial skills need further improvement in order to facilitate local non-government or gover
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Hi Innulia,

As an MBA student and later as an employee, you will be expected to write proposals, plans, reports, memos and many other important documents.

I started making corrections and suggestions to your writing, but there were so many errors and so many sentences which I did not understand that I stopped. I have to tell you that if I were the Dean of Admissions and I read th
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thanks for your reply,

don't worry I am not frustrated by your opinion, I am suprised, I applied for help, If i were a professional in essey writimg I would not join and ask to read and correct it.

so, thanks for your done work

it would be better to give plan of writing or smth that then expressing your ideas and spoiling others mood

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