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Olivia Nickerson Posted 8 years ago

Check my sonnet please

Shall I compare thee to a mask where the true you is unidentified?

Thou art hidden in a web of lies

The you that I once knew has died

I can see that when I take a look into your eyes

You wear the mask that shields and conceals

Through that smile I can see your pain and tears

It’s time to set that mask aside and just reveal

Just let go of all your fears

Show people who you really are

Let down your guard and show them what’s inside

Let them know that the true you did not go far

Eventually all that fear and worriedness will subside

As long as I have eyes that see

You will never have to put on that fake mask for me

  

Top answer

The stress pattern is off. It should be five units of unstressed-stressed syllables, for a total of 10 syllables per line: ^ ^ _^ _^ _^ . " The sonnet would be better, for example, as: Shall ^I com^pare you ^to a ^mask of ^wood?

— Anonymous

  • The stress pattern is off.
  • It should be five units of unstressed-stressed syllables, for a total of 10 syllables per line: ^ ^ _^ _^ _^ .
  • " The sonnet would be better, for example, as: Shall ^I com^pare you ^to a ^mask of ^wood?
  • You ^hide your^self in^side a ^plank of ^lies, and ^won't deal ^honest ^even ^if you ^could.
  • You ^plane your ^face, but ^it won't ^hide your ^eyes.
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1 Answers
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The stress pattern is off. It should be five units of unstressed-stressed syllables, for a total of 10 syllables per line: ^ ^ _^ _^ _^ . Also, the ending words in the first four lines are too similar in sound, "unidentified/died" is too close in sound to "lies/eyes." The sonnet would be better, for example, as:


Shall ^I com^pare you ^to a ^mask of ^wood?

You

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