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Anonymous Posted 10 years ago

Check My poem Thanks!!!!!

~Peculiarish~
Petals fall
One by one
Into blood
Watch as they stain
Am I insane?
My heart is breaking
The earth is shaking
Is it possible to bake a pie without actually making it?
I’m faking…
Canines eagerly wait in line
Famished to death
They’ve surely passed every test
That was just a quick guess…
Lovely bride with kinky curls
Adorn with pink pearls
Staring at a door
Waiting for her groom
She’s sure he will be there soon
Until the morning fades too afternoon…

I will be here
Like a hermit crab
Timid in my shell
Hoping that no one will be able to tell
That ocean has faded away
now only salt remains…
  

Top answer

Anonymous Peculiarish Bad start: a very wimpy, hesitant declaration. It would be better if you would punctuate your poem—and check its grammar— just as you would a prose piece. Line breaks cannot do as much as you think they can; we are too used to that little trick.

— Mister Micawber

  • Anonymous Peculiarish Bad start: a very wimpy, hesitant declaration.
  • It would be better if you would punctuate your poem—and check its grammar— just as you would a prose piece.
  • Line breaks cannot do as much as you think they can; we are too used to that little trick.
  • Lay it out in sentences, reconsider the grammar and punctuation, and then break it into lines again—and stanzas.
  • ) You have some interesting juxtapositions of images, but some of the rhyming seems forced; the connection between ideas is too tenuous.
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1 Answers
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AnonymousPeculiarish
Bad start: a very wimpy, hesitant declaration.

It would be better if you would punctuate your poem—and check its grammar— just as you would a prose piece. Line breaks cannot do as much as you think they can; we are too used to that little trick. Lay it out in sentences, reconsider the grammar and punctuation, and then break it in
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