Check my motivation letter for Sweden. Please urgent)

Thanks fate! I found your website. Could you give me recommendations. How can I improve my letter.
Dear////

I want to explain briefly what prompted me to
expand my knowledge in the management and development of innovative business,
and not choose a direction and deepen the knowledge of my specialty.



I was born in Kazakhstan and received secondary
education there. At the age of 18 I entered the Tomsk State University of Controlling
Systems and Radioelectronic (TUSUR), where I am studying at the Department of
Electronic Engineering with specialization in Industrial electronics. From
first to third year I was in Top 10 for faculty.

In the third year I thought the volume of my
theoretical knowledge was enough and I was eager to apply them in practice for
the implementation of complex technical project which will benefit people. I
found a job of intern in a start up “********”, which is located in a Business
incubator.(see CV) By the end of the probationary period we left 3 out of 8 people. I have
learnt a lot working in the firm, especially as the engineer I saw a gap exists
between theory and practice. As well as evaluating the management model of my
head, I realized that only having technical expertise is not enough for
successfully implementing projects. This was my first very useful experience
dating to the organization of management at the start-ups. 



I also was one of the technical leaders in two
projects: "Air purification system from tobacco smoke" and
"Automatic control of blinds". Managing the team was not so easy: I
had to deny some decisions of other team members, which were technically time-consuming,
modify individual's task so the team would work simultaneously with harmony to
achieve the ultimate goal. I realized that an organized team is one of the most
important factors in determining the successful implementation of a vision.

I successfully completed the course
"Attracting human capacity, building and training teams for innovative
projects." This allowed me to review my approaches to organizing and
promoting a team and I gained an appreciation other leaders.



Still there is a lot to be learned, for example,
when our project won a seat at the Business Incubator, we received equipment
and space for implementing our project, a lot technical support and they did
suggest different avenues for expanding our knowledge, but we were not taught
how to organize a start up business, how to allocate and manage the money, or
how to build and development strategies. I had to read the mountains of
literature, to sit at night on the Internet in order to deal with it.



Tomsk or Russia as a whole seems to lack the
ability to train people for innovative business development. So the only way,
for a person, to remedy this situation is to go abroad to a university with a
rich experience in the field of start-up management. Especially I am interested
in course "Creating new business" leading by professor Soren ****. I know
about his role in development of the CBI and affiliated organizations. I am
excited to be able to gain knowledge not only from his course but also from
Mats Magnuson and Sofia Borjesson who directly related to CBI and conducting
center's research. Supplementing my goals and objectives with your program will
allow me all the necessary skills to organize and manage an innovative company
and create the right strategies for developing and growing an innovative
business in the tough international market. I will thank a fate if I have the
luck to study in ******University. 





When I return to Tomsk, the knowledge gained on
completion of these courses will allow me to lead international projects at
Tomsk Special Economic Zone (TSEZ). One of my aspirations is to manage high
technology projects and companies at TSEZ and organize them into innovative
businesses. My aim is to share my experiences with colleagues and teammates,
and even organize a course at the Business Incubator for start-up companies.