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Mosja Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Check my journal writing about an island, please

It was dark-sullen. We were being on board at the middle of the wavy sea. There were bunch of waves hitting the ship making the ship wobbling that we can't keep our feet on the ground. but we can't seem to see the light coming from the lighthouse on Flannan Isle. The crew seems to get irated about it. The tempestuous storm roared. The raucous the noise was, stretching through the cloud. I can't see the island because the rain had blocked it.

The shame was that the authorities suggested us to wait for two days. Now we have to wait for another eternity to continue the journey? When we get ourselves into the pale-white lighthouse that was shabby, surprised! There were no people in there. Not a trace were found. But there was a bed and a oil lamp. The black-coal lamp was ready to use. How good it was? You could use the lamp. Also, I saw a fireplace. The ashes seems to be ice-cold in there as if it had been leaving for ages. There is nothing interesting in there but I've found two jackets were missing but oilskins were remained that means the lighthouse keepers didn't use oilskins which help protect them from weather.

There were rumours that three birds flew out when Moose opened the door and there was a logbook in the orange-beige cupboard that was dead-closed for an eternity. Also seaweed were found lying on stairs. That was another rumour.

In my opinion, the lighthouse must of been abandoned. People were left without a trace and many mysterious stories happened on the isles. There must be some kind of superstitious stuff happened there for sure but we can't prove it yet. We need to do a further research.

  

Top answer

I have highlighted the text that is unnatural English or grammatically incorrect. You seem to mix up the tenses in the narrative. If it is in that past, use past tenses consistently.

  • I have highlighted the text that is unnatural English or grammatically incorrect.
  • You seem to mix up the tenses in the narrative.
  • If it is in that past, use past tenses consistently.
  • It was dark-sullen.
  • We were being on board at the middle of the wavy sea .
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2 Answers
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I have highlighted the text that is unnatural English or grammatically incorrect. You seem to mix up the tenses in the narrative. If it is in that past, use past tenses consistently.


It was dark-sullen. We were being on board at the middle of the wav

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mosjaon the ground.

This would mean that someone was standing on land. In your context on deck would be better.

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