Check my descriptive writing please XXX.IV.MMXIX
It was dark, like the sky engulfing The North Sea. A cling
of clouds were hovering, lingered in the darkness.
The gust of winds raged, like a monstrous blast. Burst
out a massive fearsome breezing noise that would bolt onto
my heartbeat and send a thrill across my body.
It was freezing as if a giant North-pole-monster coming at
me, but instead. It was a breeze, smashing through my
skin, latching its frostiest air onto my lungs, giving the
most uncontrollable tremble of all kinds.
A raucous, violent screeching echoed as if a metal
collided with a gigantic alloy, followed by an eerie
scream of joy. People were enjoying a tremendous roller
coaster there.
A restlessness bang gave me a tempestuous feel as the
fireworks spurted out the most thrilling noise ever.
It was the most fascinating theme park I had ever visited
despite those scary, thrilling noises.
Top answer
The text is replete with improbable or impossible collocations.
- The text is replete with improbable or impossible collocations.
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The text is replete with improbable or impossible collocations.
0Mosja,
Is this supposed to be one story where all the sentences are related to one another?
Or are these separate sentences?
It sounds to me more like it's trying to be a unified story, but I may be wrong.
CJ
0I separated your text into individual sentences so we can talk about each one separately.
1. It was dark, like the sky engulfing The North Sea.
Grammatical, but not idiomatic. It's hard to see how a sky engulfing the North Sea evokes darkness.
2. A cling of clouds were hovering, lingered in the darkness.
0
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