Check my descriptive writing please II.V.MMXIX?
A tremendous lollipop was sitting right next the laptop, looking at the windows: Lightning slammed down, with raucous thunder, striking the ocean ferociously.
The lollipop trembled as it was about to explode. Bang! The rattling
sound came from the kitchen as saucepan lost its control and fell from
the counter. The lollipop didn't explode.
The wall crumbled away to reveal a small chute winding into the
distance. The deepness of the chute would bolt onto lollipop's heartbeat
and sent a thrill across his body.
Also, could you tell me what figurative language I've used? Thank you very much.
Top answer
mosja, What is a "tremendous lollipop", and what does it have to do with "looking at the window"? As written, the meaning of the sentence meant the lollipop was looking out to the window, and What is the purpose of the "colon". It would seem to me that you have difficulty using the proper punctuations.
- mosja, What is a "tremendous lollipop", and what does it have to do with "looking at the window"?
- As written, the meaning of the sentence meant the lollipop was looking out to the window, and What is the purpose of the "colon".
- It would seem to me that you have difficulty using the proper punctuations.
- When your audience read your descriptive writing, there should be imagages being formed in thier minds as they read the words.
- between Lollipop, laptop, lightening and thunders striking the ocean, the sauce pan and the crumbled wall,I got lost in your story!
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mosja, What is a "tremendous lollipop", and what does it have to do with "looking at the window"? The first impressoin that came to me from reading your descritpive writing was the kind of perplexity.As written, the meaning of the sentence meant the lollipop was looking out to the window, and What is the purpose of the "colon". It would seem to me t
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