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Ziawj2 Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing
Check a part of thanks letter
When we entered the dining hall, we see a big golden “shou”, very striking and read “ninety” on the wall. Many flowers in the party and the atmosphere was so joyous. The most impressive is the big birthday cake, like a peach, symbolized the longevity. I have never seen such a big cake. It is wonderful. I think all guests like it.
This is my student’s writing. I checked it . Could you help me to check it in terms of coherence and cohesion, vocabulary and sentence structure?
When we entered the palatial dining hall, on the wall we saw a striking character “shou” rimmed with golden satin, and a large red Arabic numeral “ninety” below it. On every table there were flowers of various colors. In the middle of the hall, a peach-shaped birthday cake, symbolizing longevity, is particularly impressive because we have never seen such big one. A relaxed and joyful atmosphere prevails at the party.
This is my student’s writing. I checked it . Could you help me to check it in terms of coherence and cohesion, vocabulary and sentence structure?
When we entered the palatial dining hall, on the wall we saw a striking character “shou” rimmed with golden satin, and a large red Arabic numeral “ninety” below it. On every table there were flowers of various colors. In the middle of the hall, a peach-shaped birthday cake, symbolizing longevity, is particularly impressive because we have never seen such big one. A relaxed and joyful atmosphere prevails at the party.
Top answer
The writing above is the student's (in blue) and the writing below is yours (in pink)? Why have you made so many changes? Students cannot learn if you arbitrarily toss in unnecessary words like 'palatial' and 'rimmed with golden satin' (which should be ' gold satin' anyway).
- The writing above is the student's (in blue) and the writing below is yours (in pink)?
- Why have you made so many changes?
- Students cannot learn if you arbitrarily toss in unnecessary words like 'palatial' and 'rimmed with golden satin' (which should be ' gold satin' anyway).
- When correcting a student's work you should make the minimal changes necessary to correct the grammar and punctuation of the piece: When we enter the dining hall, we see a big and very striking golden 'shou' and read 'ninety' on the wall.
- There are many flowers at the party , and the atmosphere is very joyous.
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5 Answers
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The writing above is the student's (in blue) and the writing below is yours (in pink)? Why have you made so many changes? Students cannot learn if you arbitrarily toss in unnecessary words like 'palatial' and 'rimmed with golden satin' (which should be 'gold satin' anyway). When correcting a student's work you should make the minimal changes necessary to correct the grammar and pu
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Thanks for your check. I have answered your questions in another mail.
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Mister MicawberThe writing above is the student's (in blue) and the writing below is yours (in pink)? Why have you made so many changes? Students cannot learn if you arbitrarily toss in unnecessary words like 'palatial' and 'rimmed with golden satin' (which should be 'gold satin' anyway). When correcting a student's work you should make the minimal changes necessary to
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In this part, I wanted to creat a joyful atmospher by careful diction.-- I'm sorry, but it is not the teacher's role to do this. You are not showing proper respect to the student's effort to express himself. Why attempt such when you cannot even spell 'create' or 'atmosphere'? You need to accept that your own English is not at a very high level.
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Mister MicawberIn this part, I wanted to creat a joyful atmospher by careful diction.-- I'm sorry, but it is not the teacher's role to do this. You are not showing proper respect to the student's effort to express himself. Why attempt such when you cannot even spell 'create' or 'atmosphere'? You need to accept that your own English is not at a very high level.
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