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I am working on a poetry bundle. I would love some feedback though.

Is this one allright? the english I mean?

(it's the sequel of the one i posted before)

Purpose

The purpose of life

Of yours of mine

Is it to create the universe

The earth and the sky

Or was its existence before us

Laid down for our surprise

The purpose of man

Is it to create or behold

Or may we enjoy all of Eden

With its Maker inside

Dare we be and behold

And trust our Maker

To inspire us with spirit

His walking by our side

Dare we let that be enough

To hold on to His love

And not let our pride refrain us

That puts up a fight

Dare we accept His free gift

His peace around and inside

His hands outstretching

Do we lay ours within

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Let me play with your poem and see if you find anything helpful in that version. I also tried to cast these in a more regular stanza pattern (syllable count) but not rigidly. Good luck.

What Purpose Was Made?

The purpose of life--

Of yours, of mine--

Was it to create

This earth, this sky?

Or did it come first

before we rose,

And was it laid down

for our surprise?

The purpose of man--

create? behold?

Or may we enjoy this Eden

With its Maker (inside)?

Dare we be, dare behold, and

trust our Maker

To fill us with spirit,

wake by our side?

Let that be enough:

To grip His love,

And ignore the sad fight

That pride must make.

So dare we accept

His free gift,

His peace that surrounds

And fills us,

His hands outstretched

and our hands laid within?

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