cany any one check grammer/ flow critiuqe

Question

Hello my name is Bryan, and I am writing this letter as I have found myself to be in a bit of a predicament. I believe my situation I a little unique, so forgive me if you find my cover letter a little unconventional. I am looking for full time employment, and will need to relocate. As this may not be uncommon, bare with me one moment as I explain. I have a wife and kids in a country other than mine. After a three year wait, it was planned and expected, that my family would be able to immigrate in to the united states, in June two thousand eight. Some unexpected situations arose, and now my family will be unable to apply until two thousand thirteen! With a one year old boy I have hardy seen, and another one on the way, I am saying good by to my job, selling every thing I own, and saying hello to the international job market.

Who am I and what can I do for you, This will be difficult to sum up, as I definitely due not fall into the norm! At 38 this is my first cover letter to prelude my first resume. I was raised within a multimillion dollar muti-corparation family. We owned several farms, a large trucking company, excavating business and a landfill. Buy the age of twelve, I would be performing independently, tasks and operations, that a typical person may be faced with after training in there mid to late twenties. By the time I was twenty, I was producing show quality cars in my own automotive business. I went on to work, or contract, in almost every facet of residential construction. I now find myself behind a desk quite often, as I do purchasing for a industrial construction firm, as well maintain there fleet and repair all equipment and tools.

I do not come neatly packaged with a degree for you to hang on your wall, or with a number of years study in a particular field. I come very rounded, very mindful of ramifications of any move, or any situation, in any type of business. Being a businessman my self I can appreciate the purpose, forethought, planning, preparation, expense, implementation and the anticipated change or improvement of any given job. I am not at the apex of my career, and certainly my collar is still blue. I have never been worried about what time lunch is, or dwell on those days where you put in nineteen hours for eight hours pay. I am a company man, from a company family, and I know what it takes.

I am contacting you because you offer employment outside the United States. As I may be qualified for a particular opening you have posted, you may want to consider me for a opening where I miss the mark. As I am very motivated, and always eager to learn. Encountering a place where I can work, live, and reunite my family is paramount. That said do not feel reluctant to offer me a menial position. You will quickly recognize my abilities people always do.

Thanks Bryan

BarbaraPA · Accepted Answer

Hi Bryan,

Welcome to English Forums. I think people have not responded because we're not sure what to say!

This is not like any cover letter I have ever seen, but I think the advice you need is cultural, not grammatical. I think you would be better served asking someone in your wife's country for help on how a cover letter there should be formed. For example, sometimes people from India ask for advice, and if they followed my rewrites, they would be considered curt and rude in their country, but if they used their originals here, it would be overly ornamental and flowery. So I think you're best off asking for advice from people who live where you plan to work.

Your grammar is fine. The one thing I can say is that including the part about the multi-million dollar family is not a great idea. It would give me the idea that you don't need a job at all. I appreciate your difficulty in trying to package yourself when you have such varied experience.

Good luck.

Mister Micawber · Answer

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If you wish to leave it basically unchanged, this is what you should do:

Hello. My name is Bryan, and I am writing this letter because I have found myself in a bit of a predicament. I believe my situation is unique, so forgive me if you find my cover letter a little unconventional. I am looking for full time employment and will need to relocate. As this may not be uncommon, bear with me one moment as I explain. I have a wife and children in a country other than mine. After a three-year wait, it was planned and expected that my family would be able to immigrate to the United States in June 2008. Some unexpected situations arose, and now my family will be unable to apply until 2013! With a one-year-old boy I have hardly seen and another one on the way, I am saying goodbye to my job, selling everything I own, and saying hello to the international job market.

Who am I and what can I do for you? This will be difficult to sum up, as I definitely do not fall into the norm! At 38, this is my first cover letter for my first resume. I was raised in a family with several farms, a large trucking company, an excavation business and a landfill. By the age of twelve, I was performing independently tasks and operations that a typical person may be faced with after training in their twenties. By the time I was twenty, I was producing show-quality automobiles in my own automotive business. I went on to work or contract in almost every facet of residential construction. I now find myself behind a desk quite often, as I do purchasing for an industrial construction firm, as well maintain their fleet and repair all equipment and tools.

I do not come neatly packaged with a degree or with years of study in a particular field. I come very well-rounded, very mindful of ramifications of any move or any situation in many types of business. Being a businessman, I can appreciate the purpose, planning, expense, and implementation of any given job. I am not at the apex of my career, and certainly my collar is still blue. I have never been worried about lunch time or dwelt on those days when I put in nineteen hours for eight hours' pay. I am a company man from a company family, and I know what it takes.

I am contacting you because you offer employment outside the United States. If I may be qualified for a particular opening you have posted, please consider me even though I may miss the mark with some credentials. I am very motivated, and always eager to learn.

Should you require further information, please contact me at [email address]. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Bryan [Last name]

Afarmboy87 · Answer

I am from the USA born, raised and still living on a farm in Indiana. My intentions and desire will be to create a unique, original, genuine, heartfelt cover letter. To explain not only my abilities, convictions, and dedication, to all the good people in the world, but to inform them, I seek not petty, but gainful employment.

I have but 7/8's of one page to covey to a handful of employers, who are who facing the toughest hiring situation, overseas placement. That I am a genuine, caring, committed person. That I have the experience necessary. Maybe tug at that humanitarian within them, here's a genuine guy he may not have the exact qualifications I'm looking for, but I fell good hiring him!

This is a cover letter, I have to sell myself and my abilities. These companies want to know why you are seeking out-of-country work, for me there is only one reason, to reunite my family, so it as to be crow bared into my cover letter. I need to convey that I will not only be appreciative of the opportunity, But strive to prosper. Not only for my future, but theirs as well.

I want to create a cover letter that says you are not taking a risk, I will deliver! I am not only qualified for the job, but hold life lessons, to appreciate and understand the investment and concerns your taking to relocate me

Afarmboy87 · Answer

Thank for your input . I have never written a cover letter, I did read some outlines today. State purpose, note why you would be a candidate, create a desire for them to turn the page and see what your qualifications are. But I have had 30 jobs that I can remember, from a teacher to ditch digger, a heavy equipment operator, to motorcycle salesman. I am currently employed in very good position. I plan on sending 200 or more letters to companies who have positions for some specific title warehouse foreman or customer relation or shift manager all of which are in new Zeeland for example, and there paying to fly me and my family out there, that's expensive! I have to prove with out a shadow of a doubt, that I am the guy their looking for. I have forgotten more about those jobs than some guy with a masters degree and three years experience knows, but I do not have 6 years in a specific position to sale them, so I have to paint a picture with words, or get a snapshot of my life on one page, its tough. Look at my week for example, I wined and dined some vendors for pricing, and adjusted my inventory for anticipated workload, For my company. I did some computer diagnostic work on some 2007 trucks in our fleet, and rebuilt a pressure washer. At home I bailed 900 bales of hay, put new floor timbers in the barn, and bid a job to due some commercial wiring on my own, who dose that in a week! I certainly am not the most talented guy on the earth by know means, but I do have a unique past, and a abnormal amount of abilities so I'm always told. I am applying for the rarest of jobs those only out of the country, where I can relocate and reunite my family, a very odd situation Which by the way needs to be told, as they all want to know why your applying for a job out of your country; and the world is going to force me to write a conventional cover letter! At this point in my life, what is conventional about my life or needs.

I appreciate all of you input and heed all you advice, but I am questing the common principles. Is it not possible a person with a uniquely diverse past, in a very peculiar situation, trying to gain employment in a foreign country, for the sole propose reuniting a family. Appealing to employers who facing the toughest hiring situation, overseas placement, none of this justify a cover letter a little uncommon? maybe not critique away

Mister Micawber · Answer

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An effective cover letter, no matter how unique and unique the person behind them, clearly summarizes the applicant's qualifications for a particular job. It does not rely upon human sympathy from strangers or an exclamation of general potential. We all have individual skills that can be of use in some professions but are useless in others. You may or may not evoke sympathy for your predicament if you write well and from the heart (which you do), but it would be wise to at least find a specific advertised position and show how your background has prepared you for that.
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cany any one check grammer/ flow critiuqe

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