can you tell me my mistake please?

Question

this text deals with the problem of violence at thomas jefferson high school in EST New york city.

a teen have benn victim of a short missed .then he tried to kill his agressor.he had a feud with the two boys.

For the principal who try to make her life bettter , the solution isn't it police but more discussion, help and hope.she says that apathy and rage are the enemies of children not knives an guns

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

Crux_online · Accepted Answer

There are many mistakes here, mostly of usage. I will address the major problems here.

First sentence: a teen have benn victim of a short missed ,then he tried to kill his agressor,he had a feud with the two boys.

Let's correct the spelling first:

A teen have been victim of a shot missed, then he tried to kill his aggressor, he had a feud with the two boys.

Here, have been does not agrees with the subject. In order to agree with the 3rd person singular noun teen, have been must become has been.

A teen has been victim of a shot missed, then he tried to kill his aggressor, he had a feud with the two boys.

Now let's look at the tone of the sentence. When you use a construction like has been, you are usually talking about some past event--you really are not concerned with the event itself, just that it has happened. Here, however, you are describing a specific event. You will want to point to that past event with a verb in the simple past (we'll add the proper article, a, for good measure:

A teen was a victim of a shot missed, then he tried to kill his aggressor, he had a feud with the two boys.

Now you have a complete sentence up to the underlined portion. The underlined portion should be a separate sentence because it is a separat thought and includes its own subject and predicate:

A teen was a victim of a shot [that] missed, then he tried to kill his aggressor, He had a feud with the two boys.

These sentences are now complete and correct.

Here is the rest with the errors underlined:

For the principal who try to make her life bettter , the solution isn't it police but more discussion, help and hope.she says that apathy and rage are the enemies of children not knives an guns

And corrected for spelling, verb tense and agreement, and usage:

For the principal who (tries / is trying) to make her life better, the solution isn't [more] police, but more discussion, help, and hope. She says that apathy and rage are the enemies of children, not knives and guns.

To may want to look at your other compositions in the same way. Don't look at the work as a whole, but separate the parts of the task of correction and perform each task separately (correct the spelling, then correct verb tense, etc.)

C

Marianat · Answer

0 01blockquote

01cite10Crux_online12cite11i10 teen 11u10have been12u10 11font10the 12font10victim of a shot missed, then he tried to kill his aggressor, he had a feud with the two boys.12i12br
12blockquote

10 0-

Silversamand · Answer

0a teen have been victim of a short missed .then he tried to kill his agressor.he had a feud with two other boys.02br
02br
00For the principal who try to make her life better , police isn't a solutione but more discussion, help and hope.she says that apathy and rage are the enemies of children are not knives an guns 0-

Tearsofjoy · Answer

0Please check post no. 198597 in the thread 01a05000 02a00 by Silversamand. He/she is not the one asking the question, and the "solution" provided is a complete mess with regard to spelling and grammar.02br
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00Thanks!02br
02br
00 - Joy02br
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00[f]02br
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00Forum: Writing world02br
00Posted: Feb 19, 1:08 PM [GMT 1]02br
00Post Subject: 01b00[url="/English/Post/cghdd/Post.htm#198597"]Re: can you tell me my mistake please?[/url]02b02br
00Post author: [url="/user/hzpk/profile.htm"]Silversamand[/url]02hr

00a teen have been victim of a short missed .then he tried to kill his agressor.he had a feud with two other boys.02br
02br
00For the principal who try to make her life better , police isn't a solutione but more discussion, help and hope.she says that apathy and rage are the enemies of children are not knives an guns 0260hrefhttp://www.EnglishForward.com/English/TellMistake/bpwvz/Post.htm

can you tell me my mistake please?

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