Can you review my IELTS writting please ? thank you a lot

Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, work, or travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

My essay:

Traditionally, high school seniors will either pursue college or enter the workforce after their graduation. However, these days, as the third option-gap year, where students defer university enrollment to travel or work, is gaining traction. However, there are both pros and cons to have a year-long break. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of this growing development and offer my opinion.

On the one hand, delaying tertiary education for one year is advantageous to a certain extent. Firstly, gap year provide new graduates with an opportunity to broaden their horizon and gain valuable experience. It is clear that, when living abroad, students will have to adapt to their independent life and pick up new foreign languages. As a result, they have a chance to enrich their life experiences and hone practical skills. Secondly, delay tertiary education for one year looking for job opportunities or attending vocational training courses will empower students to identify a suitable career path. Such valuable experience would be hard for graduates to attain as they are occupied with their intense study schedules.

On the other hand, I am convinced that taking a gap year has a number of disadvantages. One of the major drawbacks of having a year-long break is that gap-takers may fall behind in their study as facing peer pressure, which could possibly drain their self-confidence. In addition to this, high school seniors can lose momentum, finding it hard to resume their education after a long time distracted from formal schooling. Moreover, a gap year may be very costly as young people are unlikely to save money or cultivate relevant job skills. It goes without saying that taking a gap year is heavily expensed involved as students have to pay for their accommodation and mainly entry-level jobs are neither pay well nor teach them anything substantive.

In conclusion, although delaying tertiary education for one year may be costly and make graduates stay behind their friends in the study, it provides students a chance to acquire priceless experience and know a job that is the most suitable for them. After the final analysis, my own view is that the advantages of taking a gap year may outweigh its disadvantages