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Princess Fatim Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can you please help me with this short essay (correction)?

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Can you see if this answers the prompt too?

Some people may find this funny, but I am very proud of being able to do multiple tasks at the same time. The things I have been through have made me to do whatever I set my mind to because I’ve learned from the best( my mother) that a person can accomplish whatever they want to do.
I have been in the USA for only a year and three months now, but I have been able to accomplish a lot things. Since I was put in the 11th grade as soon as I came with no credit, I have to work extra hard to be able to graduate next year. Last school year, I had 2 after school classes at KDOL and with my math teacher to be able to get some credit. That doesn’t include the Laney college class that I had at night.
Even though I have each one of these programs at least twice a week and don’t get home until eight or nine pm each day, I am also in extra curriculum classes at my school. I peer tutor other students , I am in the green team at my school and I am also in the leadership club. I get to help the environment with the green team, I help organize all school programs with the leadership club and most importantly, I get to help other students understand their work better while peer tutoring . All these programs make me a better person and make a difference in a way and that’s what I want to be remembered by.
I have seen many things in my young age and will like to give back to my community, because someone had not done that for me, I don’t know where I would be today.
  

Top answer

Hi again Princess! I corrected the mistakes as seen below, and I also changed some of the wording to make it sound better: Some people may find this funny, but I am very proud of being able to do multiple tasks at the same time. The things I have been through have made me achieve whatever I set my mind to, because I’ve learned from the best( my mother) that a person can accomplish whatever they want to do.

  • Hi again Princess!
  • I corrected the mistakes as seen below, and I also changed some of the wording to make it sound better: Some people may find this funny, but I am very proud of being able to do multiple tasks at the same time.
  • The things I have been through have made me achieve whatever I set my mind to, because I’ve learned from the best( my mother) that a person can accomplish whatever they want to do.
  • I have been in the USA for only a year and three months now, but I have been able to accomplish a lot things.
  • Since I was put in the 11th grade as soon as I came (with no credit), I have had to work extra hard to be able to graduate the following year.
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3 Answers
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Hi again Princess!

I corrected the mistakes as seen below, and I also changed some of the wording to make it sound better:

Some people may find this funny, but I am very proud of being able to do multiple tasks at the same time. The things I have been through have made me achieve whatever I set my mind to, because I’ve learned from the best( my mother) that a person can accomplis
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Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it Emotion: smile
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I love being able to help people on this site. You're very welcome!

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