Can you please help me with my statement of purpose.

Hi there, I wrote a statement of purpose to apply for grant/bursary. I am supposed to write one essay (statement of purpose) and separately write few sentences outlining my financial needs. I would be grateful if you can give your feedback on my paper. Thank you in advance.

My decision to pursue graduate studies in XXXX country is underscored to be part of the graduate program at XXXX University by my firm belief that success comes with passion, dedication and patience. I applied to the Master of Engineering Entrepreneurship and Innovation to more deeply explore the best practices of business development and the flexibility offered by this prestigious university and in particular the XXXX School of engineering practice.
Since joining, I have learned a lot from vibrant research activities which include world class entrepreneurship and innovations projects which fascinate young minds who have the will to combine theoretical study with intense practical research work. As one of those young minds who has chosen a technically challenging career field with excitement of setting a goal and solving it by new scientific techniques and human centered approaches, I would like to thrive further and learn more.
For as long as I remember “passionate” was exactly how I felt when it came to understanding computers and technology. I remember being mesmerized the first time I used my father’s computer as a child; I found it fascinating to explore and would unpack its capabilities every opportunity I got. My passion for understanding computers motivated me to seek further knowledge and peruse my studies in the area of computer science at XXXX University, which was one of the most classified universities in XXXX country. I successfully completed my bachelors in computer science as one of the top graduate students in the university.

In addition to my enjoyment in the technical fieldwork and because I felt practical subjects were equally as important as the academic subjects, motivated me to continue exploring areas of business and research other than computer sciences. As a result, I was able to quickly apply my services to practical fields. For instance, I worked as IT officer and later as an IT manager at international NGOs such as XXXX and XXXX, worked as research analyst in XXXX a branch of XXXX international research company and in the meanwhile I started my own IT services company.

Although I am an accomplished IT professional with demonstrated success in implementing strategic IT initiatives, which have proven to improve business functionality with positive impacts. However, I have come to realize my passion for learning continues to grow and my many years of experience in the professional field has led me to recognize the desire to undertake research in technology innovation. It would be my greatest dream to earn my master’s degree in Engineering in Innovation at a prestigious university like XXXX University. A career in research where I can continue to explore and untangle the possibilities in technology innovation which would allow me to contribute to its positive and continuous technological advances in society by bringing solutions to problems that exist or may come to existence soon. Subsequently, I believe that my passion, dedication and patience can bring a positive influence to XXXX University.

---------------------
I would like to inform you of my intention to apply for bursary aid is to assist me in my educational development, I am XXXX, the only international graduate student from XXXX and I am currently enrolled in Masters of Engineering Innovation. My financial resources are keeping me out of my educational opportunities and my family are not in a position to help me financially. Should I be given the chance to be a recipient of your bursary program, I will be very glad to accept it and pledge to do my very best and exceed your expectations to me. I also wish to thank XXXX University by maintaining my educational status and by excelling in the field of engineering. I am hoping this will merit your preferential attention. Yours truly,