Can you please give me some feedback on my task 1 writing? And can you recommend me some synonym for objects in

Question

HERE'S MY WRITING:The table compares the number of the registered types of vehicle in Australia in three years: 2010,2012 and 2014. In general, the passenger vehicles accounted for the largest proportion of other registered ones. In addition, while there was an insignificant number of motorcyclists who registered, the motorcycle group had the biggest change.Starting from 11,800,000 in 2010, the number of passenger vehicles then increased slowly to exactly 13,000,000. The second highest number was for commercial transport (2,300,000), which was about four times bigger than that of motorcycles.  In 2014, the number for both of these two groups rose to 2,700,000( commercial vehicles) and 709,000( motorcycles) respectively. Moreover, the fastest growth belonged to the registered motorcycles, with a considerable percentage of approximately 31%.By contrast, in spite of the lowest number of vehicles, light trucks had a significant increase of 23,5%, with 131,000 in the last year of the given period. Furthermore, the change rate of many trucks was the smallest(8,36%) with its number reaching 416,000 in 2014, which tripled the data for light trucks.(189 words)And can you recommend some synonyms for objects in task 1? ( For example you told me not to use the words "figure" or "data"  in my writing, but my vocabulary for these kinds of words are limited). Also is there any synonym I can use to replace the word "number"? It's really boring when I keep repeating it.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

nhi247And can you recommend some synonyms for objects in task 1? ( For example you told me not to use the words "figure" or "data" in my writing, but my vocabulary for these kinds of words are limited).

Do not try to use synonyms in Task 1.

Task 1 shows your ability to be precise and accurate when writing in a math/science context. There are very few pairs of words that are true synonyms in English - words similar in meaning will have different shades of meaning and be used in different registers and contexts. So if you attempt to use synonyms in Task 1, it will be at the cost of accuracy.

Task 2 measures your facility with words and ability to choose the right word from those of similar meanings. Use synonyms in task 2 to your heart's delight. Show off your range of vocabulary in Task 2, and show your scientific abilities in Task 1. That is why there are two different tasks - the writing skill sets required are different.

For Task 1, you need to show that you can express the ideas without tedious repetition, such as using pronouns, passive voice, and sentence variety.

Here a sample essay for Task 1. (~175 words)

The table lists the numbers of registered vehicles in each of five categories in Australia at three different points of time, 2010, 2012 and 2014. The types are: passenger vehicles, commercial vehicles, motorcycles, heavy trucks and light trucks.

Overall, the greatest number of registrations were for passenger vehicles, more than five times as many as those in second place (commercial vehicles), and ten times that of the smallest category, light trucks. The rank order of the five categories did not change over time.

In total, Australia had over 15 million registered vehicles in 2010 and 17 million in 2014. Every category had more registrations, with percentage changes ranging from 8 to 31 percent. In 2010, there were 11.8 million passenger cars and that went up to 13 million, or 10.2%. However, that was the second smallest increase of the five. Only heavy trucks had a smaller gain, 8.3%, from 384 to 416 thousand. There were over a half million motorcycles in 2010, and their numbers went up by nearly 31%, ending at 709 thousand.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The table compares the number of the registered types (That is not correct, The number of registered types is 5. The table lists the number of vehicles in each registration category. ) of vehicle in Australia in three years: 2010,2012 and 2014. (Your paragraph topic has changed. You have to start a new paragraph. Your description is not complete. You did not inform the reader about the five different types. You did not mention the "percentage change" column, either. That is not necessary because you can compute these values from the raw data. ) . In general, the passenger vehicles accounted for the largest proportion of other registered ones. In addition, while there was an insignificant number of motorcyclists who registered, the motorcycle group had the biggest change.

In general, the passenger vehicles accounted for the largest proportion of other registered ones. In addition, while there was an insignificant (not a good word to use) number of motorcyclists (Motorcyclists are people. The registrations are not for people, but the vehicles. There is a license plate for each one, and the table contains a count of the vehicles. ) who registered, the motorcycle group had the biggest change.

Starting from 11,800,000 in 2010, the number of passenger vehicles then increased ~~slowly~~ to exactly (wrong word.. It is not likely that this is an exact number. The numbers are rounded off, since they will vary over the course of a year. It is quite impossible that every year and every type combination - 15 different values - will all end in "000"! ) 13,000,000. The second highest number was for commercial transport (2,300,000), which was about four times ~~bigger~~ more than that of motorcycles. In 2014, the number for both of these two groups rose to 2,700,000( commercial vehicles) and 709,000( motorcycles) respectively. Moreover, the fastest growth was for ~~belonged to the~~ registered motorcycles, with a ~~considerable~~ percentage change of approximately 31%.

By contrast, ~~in spite of the lowest number of vehicles~~, light trucks, the smallest category, had a ~~significant~~ the second-largest increase of 23,5%, with 131,000 in the last year ~~of the given period~~. Furthermore, the change ~~rate~~ (wrong word. It is NOT a rate of change. The rate of change would be percent per year, and there are four years here. ) of many trucks was the smallest(8,36%) with its number reaching 416,000 in 2014, which was triple that ~~tripled~~ ~~the data for~~ light trucks.

You have to distinguish between the verbs – double, triple – and the adjectives. The verbs are used when the measurement changes over time. The adjectives are used for comparing two different measurements at the same time.

The value of the exported goods doubled between 2000 and 2010. (Verb)
The value of exported cotton was double that of exported linen in 2010. (adjective)

Can you please give me some feedback on my task 1 writing? And can you recommend me some synonym for objects in

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