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Esj1011 Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Can you please check my writing?
your help will be deeply appreciated!
Essay
Has one experience changed your life in some way? Why?
Have you ever heard the Korean saying "a frog in the well"? It describes a person who lives in a small world without knowing there is a larger world than her own. I was that little frog before I came to America through the cultural exchange program. Here in America, I have experienced that there are so many interesting, beautiful, precious cultures in the world. I thank God that I have been introduced to people from different cultures and backgrounds and for helping me to open my eyes.
I think America is a beautiful country in which it has made it possible that we people from different cultures and life styles are living in harmony. I am happy that I have met those people who showed their interests in my culture, and I have done my best to help them to understand the unique part of Korean culture.
Essay
Has one experience changed your life in some way? Why?
Have you ever heard the Korean saying "a frog in the well"? It describes a person who lives in a small world without knowing there is a larger world than her own. I was that little frog before I came to America through the cultural exchange program. Here in America, I have experienced that there are so many interesting, beautiful, precious cultures in the world. I thank God that I have been introduced to people from different cultures and backgrounds and for helping me to open my eyes.
I think America is a beautiful country in which it has made it possible that we people from different cultures and life styles are living in harmony. I am happy that I have met those people who showed their interests in my culture, and I have done my best to help them to understand the unique part of Korean culture.
Top answer
Hello esj, welcome to English Forums! It looks good to me – I won't suggest corrections, as you'll probably prefer to think up your own alternatives; but these are the parts that aren't quite correct at the moment: Here in America, I have experienced that] 'experienced that' isn't really idiomatic. and for helping me to open my eyes.
- Hello esj, welcome to English Forums!
- It looks good to me – I won't suggest corrections, as you'll probably prefer to think up your own alternatives; but these are the parts that aren't quite correct at the moment: Here in America, I have experienced that] 'experienced that' isn't really idiomatic.
- and for helping me to open my eyes.
- ] This is slightly awkward, as you followed 'thank ***' with a 'that' clause, but here switch to 'for + gerund'.
- I think America is a beautiful country in which it has made it possible] Not quite idiomatic: the 'it' and 'in which' both refer back to 'America', which sounds awkward.
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6 Answers
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Hello esj, welcome to English Forums!
It looks good to me – I won't suggest corrections, as you'll probably prefer to think up your own alternatives; but these are the parts that aren't quite correct at the moment:
Here in America, I have experienced that] 'experienced that' isn't really idiomatic.
and for helping me to open my eyes. ] This is slightly awkward,
It looks good to me – I won't suggest corrections, as you'll probably prefer to think up your own alternatives; but these are the parts that aren't quite correct at the moment:
Here in America, I have experienced that] 'experienced that' isn't really idiomatic.
and for helping me to open my eyes. ] This is slightly awkward,
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hey mrpendatic can you help me out? If you have msn can you add me at Email Removed
Please I need help
Please I need help
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MrP,
Thank you so much for your valuable hints !
I tried to correct the phrases according to your suggestions, I don't know how these would look liketo you.
Please help me to finalize this writing.
Thank you a million !!!!!
P.S. by the way, can you add me to your MSN list?
Mine is --> Email Removed
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Thank you so much for your valuable hints !
I tried to correct the phrases according to your suggestions, I don't know how these would look liketo you.
Please help me to finalize this writing.
Thank you a million !!!!!
P.S. by the way, can you add me to your MSN list?
Mine is --> Email Removed
---------------------
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You're welcome, esj!
Just a couple of small changes:
Here in America, I have experienced many interesting, beautiful, precious cultures in the world. ] not quite right; maybe: 'so many interesting, beautiful, precious cultures from around the world'.
I thank *** for being able to meet people] '...*** for enabling me...'
helping me to open my eyes to the wor
Just a couple of small changes:
Here in America, I have experienced many interesting, beautiful, precious cultures in the world. ] not quite right; maybe: 'so many interesting, beautiful, precious cultures from around the world'.
I thank *** for being able to meet people] '...*** for enabling me...'
helping me to open my eyes to the wor
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Thank you Mr.P
You have been a great help!
My final draft is:
Have you ever heard the Korean saying "a frog in the well"? It describes a person who lives in a small world without knowing there is a larger world than her own. I was that little frog before I came to America through the cultural exchange program. Here in America, I have experienced so many interesting, beaut
You have been a great help!
My final draft is:
Have you ever heard the Korean saying "a frog in the well"? It describes a person who lives in a small world without knowing there is a larger world than her own. I was that little frog before I came to America through the cultural exchange program. Here in America, I have experienced so many interesting, beaut
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Hello esj
Looking at the last paragraph again, I wonder whether I've misled you:
'I think America is a beautiful country, where it has been made possible for people from all kinds of different cultures and lifestyles to live in harmony.'
– It might be better simply to say: '...country where people from all kinds of different cultures and with all kinds of different lifest
Looking at the last paragraph again, I wonder whether I've misled you:
'I think America is a beautiful country, where it has been made possible for people from all kinds of different cultures and lifestyles to live in harmony.'
– It might be better simply to say: '...country where people from all kinds of different cultures and with all kinds of different lifest
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