Can you please check my poem? And suggest a better title please?
My Autumn's Lover
I wish I were a bird
So I could fly to your house
Where I longed to live, too.
I will sit on the window seat
And look through the window pane
Covered with dust and dirt.
There I see the face
The face I longed to see for years
The face I longed to catch a glimpse
I see the innocent face
Fallen fast asleep in peace
The face I wished to kiss
Not yesterday but decades ago
Wrinkled now with hairs grey.
A fallen glass there I see
With some brown liquid spilled
And a cigar half burnt
But yearning for life yet.
Oh, dear lover!
Wake up and see who is here
The time has come
For us to unite.
Top answer
There I see the face Impossible to do if the face is inside the house. Otherwise, I don't find your poem very interesting; it is sentimental and repetitive, with no imaginative images. Everyone wants to be a bird.
- There I see the face Impossible to do if the face is inside the house.
- Otherwise, I don't find your poem very interesting; it is sentimental and repetitive, with no imaginative images.
- Everyone wants to be a bird.
- nanduni a cigar half burnt But yearning for life yet.
- That is an interesting fragment but it stands out like a sore thumb from the rest of the verse.
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nanduniI will sit on the window seat And look through the window pane....There I see the face
Impossible to do if the face is inside the house. Otherwise, I don't find your poem very interesting; it is sentimental and repetitive, with no imaginative images. Everyone wants to be a bird.
nandunia cigar half burnt But yearning for
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