Can you improve this fragment of a sentance

Question

"I have set my priories to excel towards a path to...."It seems a little off to me but I could be wrong. Any suggestions on making changes?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Anonymous"I have set my priories to excel towards a path to.."

I have set my priories in order to excel in achieving my goals.

Anonymous · Answer

that was fast thank you, would you like to proof read my whole essay?

this is my Law School Personal statment, if anyone wants to read through it and give some advice it would be great:

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As a fourth year college student I thought to myself, “I know exactly what I want to do with my life after my undergraduate education”, after all I have been preparing for this field since I was a child. I grew up thinking that I wanted to be a physician without investigating what it truly meant to become one. I shadowed a pediatric orthopedic surgeon performing surgeries a few times before going to college. It was a wonderful experience and at the time I did understand that there was more to medicine than just performing surgery. After graduating from Rutgers University, I went on to do research at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey (UMDNJ) to work in the orthopedic department. My goal was to help physicians with laboratory work, while learning more about the field I had chosen to be my career. However, after speaking to medical students, young physicians, and those who have been practicing for years, I came to the realization that becoming a medical doctor was not the right career choice. I was in need of rediscovering who I was and what I wanted to do with my life.

I went back to my fundamentals, what makes me happy? What do I know that I would love to do everyday of my life? The answer was simple for me, and that is to help others, better my society, and make the world a better place to live. The reason I wanted to be a physician was because they help people. Since I was a child I always loved volunteering and I continued this into my adult life. I have been a part of a volunteer ambulance corps for over eight years and nothing gives me more joy than helping someone else.

The thought of becoming a lawyer came to me in high school when I was a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. The only problem was a lawsuit against Habitat for Humanity arguing that by building low-income homes, the property values of their homes would depreciate. The build was put on hold indefinitely and for the first time I saw that the legal system was a powerful tool. During my undergraduate education a friend of mine introduced me to the political side of the university, he did this by inviting me to sit in on a college council meeting. Here I saw something amazing, a group of people coming together to make polices that help improve the college community.

After attending this meeting a whole new world was introduced to me. I was passionate about improving the school. As a result of that very first council meeting, I joined the Biochemistry club, and the Biotechnology Club to help represent my fellow biochemistry majors. I also became involved in the Cook College Leadership Committee, and the Cook College Council. I was involved in student teacher relations and had many meetings with department chairs on how to improve the curriculum for the better. The following year I was appointed vice president of the biochemistry club and was also appointed the biochemistry chair at the Cook College Council. As the biochemistry chair I drafted and fought for positive changes that will ensure a better learning experience for future biochemistry majors. I also co-authored a pet policy that allowed Cook Campus students to continue to keep their pets on campus, which was a long tradition on Cook, as it was known as the pet friendly campus. I worked hard to improve the life of future Rutgers students and felt to be very successful at it.

I realize that I have not taken the typical route to law school, however over the course of the past three years, I find myself as someone who has matured from life’s mistakes and uncertainties. After investigating what it truly takes to be a lawyer, by speaking to and observing attorneys practicing in different areas of the law, I know that pursuing a carrier in this field will allow me to fulfill my dreams. After finishing my undergraduate studies and growing into a more independent and confident individual, I have set my priories in order to excel in achieving my goals. I confidently believe my background in science will allow me to be a resourceful and contributing member of ----------- University, as a scholar and as a future lawyer.
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi Anon - it's very good. You have obviously put considerable thought into both the essay and your choice of life-long goals.
I have suggested some minor changes for your consideration.
Regards,
A-

s

As a fourth year college student I thought to myself, “I know exactly what I want to do with my life after my undergraduate education.” After all I have been preparing for this field since I was a child. I grew (has grown) up thinking that I wanted to be a physician without investigating what it truly meant to become one. I (had) shadowed a pediatric orthopedic surgeon performing surgeries a few times before going to college. It was a wonderful experience and at the time I did understand that there was more to medicine than just performing surgery. After graduating from Rutgers University, I went on to do research at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey (UMDNJ) to work in the orthopedic department. My
goal was to help physicians with laboratory work, while learning more about the field I had chosen to be my career. However, after speaking to medical
students, young physicians, and those who have been practicing for years, I
came to the realization that becoming a medical doctor was not the right career choice. I was in need of rediscovering who I was and what I wanted to do with my life.

I
went back to my fundamentals, what makes me happy? What do I know that I would
love to do everyday of my life? The answer was simple for me, and that is to
help others, better my society, and make the world a better place to live. The
reason I wanted to be a physician was because they help people. Since I was a
child I always loved volunteering and I continued this into my adult life. I
have been a part of a volunteer ambulance corps for over eight years and
nothing gives me more joy than helping someone else.

The thought of becoming a lawyer came to me in high school when I was a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. The only problem was a lawsuit against Habitat for Humanity arguing that by building low-income homes, the property values of their (whose? missing antecedent) homes would depreciate. The build was put on hold indefinitely and for the first time I saw that the legal system was a powerful tool. During my undergraduate education, a friend of mine introduced me to the political side of
the university; he did this by inviting me to sit in on a college council
meeting. Here I saw something amazing, a group of people coming together to make polices that help improve the college community.

After attending this meeting, a whole new world was introduced to me. I was passionate about improving the school. As a result of that very first council meeting, I joined the Biochemistry club, (no comma) and the Biotechnology Club to help (better) represent my fellow biochemistry majors. I also became involved in the Cook College Leadership Committee, (no comma) and the Cook College Council. I was involved in student (hyphen) teacher relations and had many meetings with department chairs on how to improve the curriculum ~~for the better.~~ (redundant)
The following year I was appointed vice president of the biochemistry
club and was also appointed to the biochemistry chair at the Cook College Council.
As the biochemistry chair I drafted (policies) and fought for positive changes that will ensure a better learning experience for future biochemistry majors. I also co-authored a pet policy that allowed Cook Campus students to continue to keep their pets on campus, which was a long tradition on Cook, as it was known as the pet(hyphen) friendly campus. I worked hard to improve the life of future Rutgers students and fel tI was ~~to be~~ very successful at it.

I realize that I have not taken the typical route to law school, however over the course of the past three years, I find myself as someone who has matured from life’s mistakes and uncertainties. After investigating what it truly takes to be a lawyer, by speaking to and observing attorneys practicing in different areas of the law, I know that pursuing a carrier in this field will allow me to fulfill my dreams. After finishing my
undergraduate studies and growing into a more independent and confident
individual, I have set my priories in order to excel in achieving my goals. I
confidently believe my background in science will allow me to be a resourceful and contributing member of -- University, as a scholar and as a future lawyer.

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