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Leona cpu 909 Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can you identify my mistakes and rewrite them for me ? thank you for caring.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better positive ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a lot of debate about the topic: crime, especially in the aspect of how to make a reduction in the crime rate. While a number of people think that it’s a good idea to give criminals the longer-term imprisonment, the rest of them disagree and believe that there are several alternatives that are more effective. In my opinion, it would be better to have a combination between the former and the latter.

On the one hand, extending time in prison is expected to be the best way to reduce the number of criminals. As a result, there will be an increase in a safety percent. The more hazardous offenders are arrested, the more secure their countries could be. Besides, only when someone who has committed a crime spends a long time in these dark places could he or she have a chance of rehabilitating. A period in prison brings them the time to consider what they have done and then identify their mistakes; therefore, they will try to make a new start in life. For example, the UAE has deleted many dangerous convicts by this way.

On the other hand, many others have a high opinion of some different methods. The government should focus on improving education and increasing job opportunities. The authority reckons that people need to take action before too late. If all of the residents in one country are well-educated and can even be provided with employment, there is no reason for becoming wrongdoers. To illustrate, Singapore is the most recommended place to live, there aren’t almost any lawbreakers on the ground of its educational system and residents’ ability to find suitable works.

In short, both of those solutions are so advantageous that we can’t deny their outcome; however, from my point of view, the most efficient way to protect our wonderful world from crime is combining the method sentencing offenders to a few more years in prison, enriching citizens’ knowledge and increasing job opportunities.


  

Top answer

There is a lot of debate (Many students use "debate" or "controversy" as a memorized response to an essay that requests your opinion.. I see that you have this habit too. Avoid writing sentences like this.

  • There is a lot of debate (Many students use "debate" or "controversy" as a memorized response to an essay that requests your opinion..
  • I see that you have this habit too.
  • Avoid writing sentences like this.
  • ) about the topic: crime, especially in the aspect of how to make a reduction in the crime rate.
  • ) a good idea to give criminals the longer-term imprisonment, the rest of them disagree and believe that there are several alternatives that are more effective.
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There is a lot of debate (Many students use "debate" or "controversy" as a memorized response to an essay that requests your opinion.. I see that you have this habit too. Avoid writing sentences like this. Examiners do not reward such memorized responses.) about the topic: crime, especially in the aspect of how to make a re

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