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Jake Joyo Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Can you help us correct our grammar in this story?
My classmate Emil and I wrote this story for our English class, but we aren't sure if we've written it with correct grammar. Please help us. Thank you.
A girl named Kenzie grew in a religious family living in Louisville, Kentucky, USA. Her dad was a colonel and her mom a school principal. Their family was known for being wealthy and educated. Having been taught good manners, she developed self-discipline.
When she was in the seventh grade, she learned to be more fashionable, acted more ladylike, and made new friends, hanging out every night, sleeping wherever they wanted to. She changed a lot. She started doing things she hadn’t done before, like neglecting her homework, going to the party every night, drinking liquors but not getting drunk for fear of her parents.
One night, she had a terrible fight with her friends at the bar, where she threw and broke glasses and bottles. Some of the customers were injured. The cops came, arrested her and her friends, and imprisoned them for three days and three nights. When her dad learned about this, he was so ashamed about it.
Her parents became stricter in their rules. She still saw her friends around, but with her head bowed low, she didn’t say a word to them.
One day, her best friend told her that their friends would be throwing a surprise birthday party for her. She asked her parents’ permission to go out with her friends, and they agreed. She was very happy.
At last, she arrived at her friend’s house, but she wondered why it didn’t look like there was a party going on. When she knocked at the door, her friend Kelly opened it and asked her to come in. They entered a room, where she saw other teens having fun, dancing to loud music, drinking beers, and using cocaine. Her friends locked the door and forced her to try the cocaine, but she resisted. They said they wouldn’t open the door, not until she did what they told her to do. Scared, she started to cry. Noticing an open window, she jumped out and ran away really fast.
She reached the highway. A car stopped; it was her dad. They got home. With a shaking voice, she told them everything that had happened.
Finally, her family decided to move to Texas. Realizing that she had risked her life in the company of her drug-addicted friends, she blocked them all on Facebook.
A girl named Kenzie grew in a religious family living in Louisville, Kentucky, USA. Her dad was a colonel and her mom a school principal. Their family was known for being wealthy and educated. Having been taught good manners, she developed self-discipline.
When she was in the seventh grade, she learned to be more fashionable, acted more ladylike, and made new friends, hanging out every night, sleeping wherever they wanted to. She changed a lot. She started doing things she hadn’t done before, like neglecting her homework, going to the party every night, drinking liquors but not getting drunk for fear of her parents.
One night, she had a terrible fight with her friends at the bar, where she threw and broke glasses and bottles. Some of the customers were injured. The cops came, arrested her and her friends, and imprisoned them for three days and three nights. When her dad learned about this, he was so ashamed about it.
Her parents became stricter in their rules. She still saw her friends around, but with her head bowed low, she didn’t say a word to them.
One day, her best friend told her that their friends would be throwing a surprise birthday party for her. She asked her parents’ permission to go out with her friends, and they agreed. She was very happy.
At last, she arrived at her friend’s house, but she wondered why it didn’t look like there was a party going on. When she knocked at the door, her friend Kelly opened it and asked her to come in. They entered a room, where she saw other teens having fun, dancing to loud music, drinking beers, and using cocaine. Her friends locked the door and forced her to try the cocaine, but she resisted. They said they wouldn’t open the door, not until she did what they told her to do. Scared, she started to cry. Noticing an open window, she jumped out and ran away really fast.
She reached the highway. A car stopped; it was her dad. They got home. With a shaking voice, she told them everything that had happened.
Finally, her family decided to move to Texas. Realizing that she had risked her life in the company of her drug-addicted friends, she blocked them all on Facebook.
Top answer
Jake Joyo A girl named Kenzie grew in a religious family A girl named Kenzie grew up in a religious family Jake Joyo Her dad was a colonel In what? Colonel is a rank, not a job. Unless you mention what he was a colonel in, this part is incomplete.
- Jake Joyo A girl named Kenzie grew in a religious family A girl named Kenzie grew up in a religious family Jake Joyo Her dad was a colonel In what?
- Colonel is a rank, not a job.
- Unless you mention what he was a colonel in, this part is incomplete.
- Jake Joyo going to the party every night, If you mean parties in general, don't include "the".
- Writing "the party" gives the impression that you are mentioning one in particular.
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2 Answers
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Jake JoyoA girl named Kenzie grew in a religious familyA girl named Kenzie grew up in a religious family
Jake JoyoHer dad was a colonelIn what? Colonel is a rank, not a job. Unless you mention what he was a colonel in, this part is incomplete.
Jake Joyogoing to the party every night,
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Jake JoyoOne night, she had a terrible fight with her friends at the bar,You have not mentioned a particular bar, so, use a instead of "the". One night, she had a terrible fight with her friends at a bar,
Jake JoyoSome of the customers were injured.Some of the cu
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