Can you help me with my IELTS writing task 2, please? Thank you so much.

Many people are busy with work and do not have enough time to spend with family and friends. Why does this happen? What are the effects of this on family life and society as a whole?

It is true that there is an increasing number of people who are preoccupied with work and do not have enough time to spend with family and friends. The majority of people would agree that this tendency is undesirable because it has far-reaching consequences for both families and society. Therefore, We must do more as a society to achieve a healthy balance of work and private time.
There are a large number of factors making a great contribution to this tendency. First and foremost, People's living standards across the world have greatly altered and improved to the point that some fundamental requirements, such as food, shelter, transportation, and entertainment, may no longer be considered. As a result, humans today choose far higher demands in their lives, such as self-actualization and acknowledgment from others. This is the reason why individuals choose to work hard to advance in their careers, and when they get home, they are frequently too tired to spend quality time with their families. Moreover, Today's work market is considerably more competitive so individuals must spend the majority of their time completing job requirements and securing their career.
From some reasons outlined above, this phenomenon might have some detrimental impacts on family and society as a whole. Firstly, people spend little time on their children’s upbringing that makes them always have an insufficient amount of time to give their children supervision and instructions in many fields such as education, social problems, and future orientations. As a result, an increasing number of children and teens are victims of crimes or social evils, and their scholastic performance in school steadily worsens. In some cases, when people are workaholics, they can suffer from several serious mental problems, including stress, depression and even committing suicide. Last but not least, if people are significantly more concerned with their work and disregard most of their friends, they may lose a significant number of close-knit friends, have problems with their coworkers, and have problems with married life.
In a nutshell, the consequences of a fast-paced, working society are typically unfavorable. In our efforts to advance and succeed, we must ensure that we do not overlook the most essential parts of life: our relationships. That is what gives life meaning.