Can you help me to proof it?

I have to rewrite the piece from informal to formal. Could you check my grammar and point out the words or sentences if i fail to make it formal. Thank you very much!



The original piece:

There was a matter in China a long time ago. A lot of people who ate the fish got ill. This is because the fish had a disease.



Nowadays, a lot of persons in Hong Kong are very irresponsible. They do not only use a lot of clean water, but also poison the rivers with their stuffs. The water is getting dirty and dirty. Therefore, we can neither drink any water of the rivers, nor can we see any fish which can be eaten.



In conclusion, we can say pouring filthy water into rivers can cause great harm to not only to other species, but also to ourselves.





The rewrited piece:

It has been noted with concern that Chinese people has long been suffered from a disease after consuming sick fish.



Many people swerve from the path of duty in Hong Kong in the present day. Clean water does not fully make advantage of and the river is even poisoned by the stuff. Due to the worsening water, the water of the rivers can no longer be drank and the fish cannot be eaten.



In conclusion, pouring filthy water into rivers can cause great harm to not only to other species, but also to the human.