CAN YOU HELP ME TO CORRECT MY WRITING TASK 1

Question

The table indicates information about the amount of distance in miles travelled by English people by different kind of transport in two years 1985 and 2000. Overall, it can be seen that car was the most popular choice, while taxi was the least popular one over the time period covered by the table.

Ranked first on the table was the car, with 3,199 miles per person in 1985 and then increased significantly by 4,806 miles per person in 2000. The figure for local bus went down by around 150 miles per person from 429 miles per person to 274 miles per person between 1985 and 2000. Travelling by walking and bicycle witnessed a slightly decrease, which probably made people to take train more often. The amount of distance by train rose sharply from 289 miles per person to 366 miles per person in 2000. Although taxi experienced a gradual growth more than tripled by 42 miles per person in 2000, it was still the last choice of travelling.

Apart from all this modes of travel, there are a rapid increase in other kinds of transport by 585 in miles travelled per person in 2000.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table indicates (Not a good word choice.) information about (That is very vague. What exactly is in the table?) the amount of (Incorrect. It could be the "number of miles" but "amount of distance" is very bad. You can have amounts of milk, amounts of rice, or amounts of honey, but not amounts of distance.) distance in miles travelled by English people by different kind (wrong form) of transport in two years (comma) 1985 and 2000. (Do not put the "overall" information together with the description of the table. It is a different subject. Each paragraph has one subject. Your paragraph is incomplete. How many kinds of transport are in the table?) ~~Overall, it can be seen that car was the most popular choice, while taxi was the least popular one over the time period covered by the table.~~

Overall, ~~it can be seen that~~ the private car was the most common ~~popular~~ (wrong word.) choice, while taxi was the least popular one. (That is incorrect. Be sure to write correct information. People travelled a longer distance by taxi than by bicycle in 2000.) ~~over the time period covered by the table~~. (This is unnecessary. There are data for only two years, not a period of time. Use "period" for line graphs.)

Ranked first ~~on the table~~ (This is repetitious. The reader knows that you are getting these numbers from the table.) was the car, with 3,199 miles per person in 1985 and then (wrong word) increased significantly by 4,806 (wrong value. Increase by 4806 means that the value in 2000 would be 8005, the sum of 3199 + 4806. It actually increased by 1607. ) miles per person in 2000. The figure (wrong word) for local bus went down by ~~around 150~~ 155 miles per person from 429 miles per person to 274 miles per person between 1985 and 2000. Travelling by walking and bicycle witnessed (wrong word. Travelling cannot witness anything. Only people can do that.) a slightly (wrong form. An adverb does not modify a noun) decrease, which probably made people to take train more often. (Do not write conclusions, inferences or opinions in Task 1. That will cost you points. ) The amount of distance by train rose sharply from 289 miles per person to 366 miles per person in 2000. Although taxi experienced (wrong word. Taxis do not have experiences. Only people can do that.) a gradual (wrong word. This is only for line graphs where you can see rates of change. Besides "triple" is very different from "gradual") growth more than tripled by 42 miles per person in 2000, it was still the last choice of travelling.

(This is a very odd paragraph. It does not belong by itself.) Apart from all this modes of travel, there are a rapid (wrong word. This is only for line graphs where you can see rates of change. ) increase in other kinds of transport by 585 in miles travelled per person in 2000.

Suggested essay. This example is much longer than necessary (over 220 words, but it will give you some vocabulary ideas and an essay structure.)

Plan:

Paragraph 1: describe the table. There are a lot of rows, so just give a high-level summary.

Paragraph 2: Give three main features: The increase in total miles, the predominance of cars, and the sum of all types of public transport.

Paragraph 3: Point out some interesting details.

The table compares the per-person distances in miles travelled by Englishmen in two years, 1985 and 2000, broken down by the kind of transportation. Seven kinds are listed, such as cars, public transport vehicles, bicycles, and walking. The columns are summed, giving a total for each year.

Overall, English people travelled more than one-third more miles in 2000 than they did in 1985. Mostly, they used cars for transportation; this mode of transport accounted for 75% of their total mileage in 2000. Only 10-15% of the miles travelled were by public transportation (train and bus), and an even smaller amount, 4-6% by walking and biking.

Even though people were travelling more overall, three types of transport had decreases. These were biking, walking and local buses. Cars had the largest absolute increase, from 3,199 to 4,806 miles, or about 50% more. In 2000, the mileage for cars was more than ten times that of trains, which had the second-highest numbers of the named transportation types. People used taxis more in 2000; even though it had the lowest value in 1985 (13 miles) and the next-to-lowest (42 miles) in 2000, its increase was significant, a factor of three. The category of all other types, ranked second after cars in both years, also had a higher value in 2000 (585), compared to 1985 (450).

CAN YOU HELP ME TO CORRECT MY WRITING TASK 1

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