Can you help me please?

Question

I was asked to write a letter to explain why my attendance was poor which reflected with poor grades. This letter is to university and so far, this is what i have. Please, read it and give me feedbacks or corrections.

Dear Sir/Madam

With this letter I would like to explain why I’ve attempted to retake MHF-4UI and ENG-4UI. During my senior years in high school, my attendance was poor, and it was largely because I spent my time studying metaphysics. Moreover, I was 16 and I became increasing perplexed by many conflicting situations that filled me with bewilderment, and it was to do with my own existence. I always had a keen interest towards philosophy of existentialism and I decided to pursue the tail that took two years, till I came to a realization that constituted a fulfilling achievement. I consider those years as bleak point of my life, but I overcame the existential obstacles and in the process, I learned to live life passionately and sincerely.

After, I decided to continue my education in St. Louis Adult Learning & Continuing Education Centre. This time, I attended regularly, did the work, and earned a good grade. I kept it brief because I do not wish to bore you with my life story, this letter is a mere generalization of the two years that I spent studying metaphysics. I hope there is enough detail to help you to understand, and if you require any further detail-I will be more than happy to provide it.

Thank you for considering my application, and look forward to hearing from you.

Khoff · Accepted Answer

I will attempt to make a few specific corrections and suggestions about your text.

With this letter I would like to explain why I’ve attempted to retake MHF-4UI and ENG-4UI.
You don't actually say anything in the letter about retaking specific courses.

During my senior years in high school,

Most people have only one "senior year" in high school. Did you have to repeat your senior year?

I decided to pursue the tail that took two years,

"the tail"?? I'm not sure what you mean here, but clearly "tail" is the wrong word.

till I came to a realization that constituted a fulfilling achievement.

Do you want to say (briefly) what the realization or the achievement were?

After, I decided to continue my education in St. Louis Adult Learning & Continuing Education Centre. This time, I attended regularly, did the work, and earned a good grade. I kept it brief

This sounds as if "I kept it brief" refers to your continuing education. If you mean you kept this letter brief, start a new paragraph and refer directly to the letter.

A general comment, if you want one, about the actual content of your letter. If you were actually "studying metaphysics" during the two years you were missing high school and getting low grades, you might want to give some evidence of how you were "studying" -- what books about metaphysics you read, etc. Otherwise, I'm afraid it sounds as it you just spent two years wondering aimlessly about the meaning of life, and calling it "studying metaphysics." If that was in fact the case, you might more honestly describe it as something like "losing focus on my studies because of a personal crisis." -- or even "an existential crisis." It might be a good idea to describe what convinced you to go back to school and work hard.

Can you help me please?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

During my senior years in high school,

Related Questions