Can you help me chek this IELTS Writing TASK 1: Line Graph

TASK 1: LINE GRAPH

The line graph demonstrates the proportions of British people over four years old who watched television and who listened to the radio over the course of twenty-four hours in 1992.

Overall, all of the figures experienced dramatically fructuated changes through several different timelines in the day. In particular, the percentage of television viewers registered a sharp increase while the number of radio audiences kept falling drastically, especially in the evening.

At about a quarter past six, the percentage of people who watched television was about over 3%, while the figure for radio users was double that amount and after 2 hours, it rose to respectively 27%, which is also the peak of the number of radio listeners. However, after that time, numerous people instantly stopped listening to the radio, which led to a significant drop in the proportion of radio audiences. In contrast, from the 10 a.m onwards, the figure for television audiences experienced a slow but steady growth. As a result, by 8 p.m, the number of UK citizens over the age of four watching television had reached a peak of nearly 45%, while the number of people still sticking with the radio had stood at merely around one-fifth of that amount.

After 8 p.m, the proportions of both television and radio audiences experienced a downward trend. People gradually stopped using entertainment devices, including televisions and radios; therefore, the number of users considerably decreased to approximately 2%.