Can you have a check on my essay (IELTS Writing)

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Business must always seek to make profit in this competitive world. However, people are saying more about how they deal with social obligation. I totally agree with the idea that businesses should not only make profits but also undertake duties to the society.

On the one hand, I accept that businesses have to make money to achieve their core goal which is the profit. Obviously, any business has to pay for their running costs, employees’ wages and utilities and thus, they need to earn enough net profit to cover these costs and expenses. Further more, on top of those costs, they need to invest in new markets and hire buildings so the profit is again essential to how companies survive. In other words, once the businesses satisfy changing needs of customers, they may think about the term ‘social responsibility’. Otherwise, it is irrelevant to contribute to society without financial health.

On the other hand, business should not only concerntrate on sole aim of maximizing the profit. First, it is logical that they cares more about their employees instead of exploiting them. For example, the boses can pay ‘house rent’ for employees to create the feeling of belief. Secondly,companies can use small ‘proportion’ of their profit to do charity or invest in education initiatives. Lastly, some companies tries to minimize their tax payment by ‘accounting loophole’. I believe that it must be stopped and they must honestly pay tax to government.

In conclusion, making profit is necessary to businesses but they also should place as much importance to social responsibilities to financial objectives.