Can you guys help me to check my essay writing task 1: table

Question

The given table illustrates the results that students from different nations got from the IELTS General Test in 2010.
Looking at the table, it can be seen that German student got the highest mark in overall, while Indonesian one had the lowest score in total.

A closer look at data reveals that students from French and German groups took the largest scores in overall, with the number of 6.5 and 6.7 respectively. However, in terms of Speaking skill, German and Indonesian were on top, with the highest mark of 6.9 for German and the second greatest one (6.7) belong to Indonesian.

According to the table, the total average scores of Ielts Test of the last two students from Indonesia and Malaysia were much lower, with the figures of 6.3 and 6.4 in turn. However, the French and Indonesian students got the same score in Listening skill, whereas students from France and Malaysia both took 6.6 in speaking skills.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

minhchau2205Can you guys help me to check my essay writing task 1?

There are women contributors here, too.

The ~~given~~ table ~~illustrates~~ presents the average band scores that students from different nations got in the IELTS General Test in 2010. (Be precise and accurate in Task 1!)

~~Looking at the table, it can be seen that~~ (Unnecessary words. Just describe the information without embellishment or opinion.) German student got the highest mark in overall, while Indonesian one had the lowest score in total. (Don't use two different words in the same sentence. It is not precise.)

~~A closer look at data reveals that~~ students from French and German (missing word) groups took the largest scores in overall, ~~with the number of~~ 6.5 and 6.7 respectively. However, in terms of Speaking skill, German and Indonesian were on top, with the highest mark of 6.9 for German and the second greatest one (6.7) belong to Indonesian.

~~According to the table,~~ the total average scores of Ielts Test of the last two students (The table does not tell us how many or how few students took the test.) from Indonesia and Malaysia were much lower, with the figures of 6.3 and 6.4 in turn. However, the French and Indonesian students got the same score in Listening skill, whereas students from France and Malaysia both took 6.6 in speaking skills.

Comments:

The categories are native languages, (mother tongues) of the test-takers. They are not countries or nations.

Model answers as an example:

Four skill sets were tested: Listening, Reading, Writing and Speaking. The results were combined into an Overall score for each of the four language groups: German, French, Indonesian and Malay.

All the data in the table fell in a narrow range, with the lowest individual band score being 6.0 and the highest 6.9. Test-takers of all language groups did best in Speaking skills (ranging from 6.6 to 6.9), and worst in Reading skills (ranging from 6.1 to 6.4).

German speakers had the best overall score, surpassing second-place French speakers in every skill category. The group with the lowest overall score, Indonesian speakers, did better in verbal skills (Listening and Speaking) than non-verbal skills (Reading and Writing).

Can you guys help me to check my essay writing task 1: table

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