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Bảo Nguyễn Lê Quốc Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can you grade and fix errors in my IELTS essay

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team like soccer, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Although, it is sometimes thought that participation in team sports namely football is more fundamental, others believe that it is better to take part in individual sports, including tennis, swimming. In my opinion, I consider the benefit individual sports yield is more than its

On the one hand, some think that people participating in team sports often have more profit in real-life. In other words, participating in sports played in team aids people in improving themselves. For instance, as the human play football or volleyball, they not only learn how to control the ball well, but also they learn to develop communication skills, feel a sense of community and respect their teammates and coaches. From an academic perspective, these sports also teach the players how to be patient and one of the keys to success is hard working. These play a crucial role in the real-life and career of a person.

On the other hand, it is often believed that it is better if the emphasis on physical activities is on individual sports and I agree. First, the competition between players assists people with motivating themselves. This kind of intrinsic motivation is often much more powerful than external motivation. Moreover, people who take part in individual sports also learn how to be self-reliant that is important to drive achieve what they want and, consequently, their success will depend on their own efforts.

In conclusion, while people may vary their options, I think that individual sports are better than sports which played in the team.

  

Top answer

I have moved your essay to the Essays forum. In the future, please post your essays here. Thanks.

  • I have moved your essay to the Essays forum.
  • In the future, please post your essays here.
  • Thanks.
  • CJ
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2 Answers
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I have moved your essay to the Essays forum. In the future, please post your essays here.



Thanks.

CJ

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Although, (no comma) it is sometimes thought that participation in team sports namely football is more fundamental, (wrong word, comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) others believe that it is better to take part in individual sports, including

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