Can you give me some feedback on my essay and my writing skill for task 2?

Today, many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on

Sports. What are the reasons for this and is it a positive or negative development?

In recent times, there is a phenomenon that many children tend to spend a great deal of their time on computer games instead of playing sports. There are several factors attributed to this problem and I strongly believe that this is a negative development.

The reasons why many children spend a lot of time on computer games can be linked to parental involvement and the way that computer games developers manipulate their target audience by promotional campaigns. In terms of the influence of parents, many couples nowadays are too busy dealing with the heavy workload in their office to control the amount of time that their kids spent on computer games. Without parents’ supervision, children tend to spend as much time on their favorite computer games as possible. Besides, it is the marketing campaigns run by games developers that impact greatly on children. Since there are a lot of manipulating gimmicks shown on mass media, children are bombarded with many advertisements featuring special effects and stunning visuals that can provoke their curiosity and excitement to play the games.

The fact that many kids are overusing their computer to play games and not playing sports as much as before is a negative trend because this phenomenon can have detrimental effects on children’ mental wellness as well as physical condition. First, when children spend time on playing computer games but not participating in sport games which can help them cooperate with other people, there might be a lack of face-to-face interactions leading to the kids suffering from the feeling of isolation as well as depression. Second, due to the sedentary lifestyle caused by spending too much time on computer games, their eyesight will be damaged and there is higher risk of obesity. In many developed countries, one of the reasons why many people are suffering from obesity at a young age is their great deal of time spent on playing computer games instead of being physically active.

In conclusion, the fact that children spend a lot of time on computer games can be caused by several reasons, and this trend is negative as it brings detrimental impacts on the kids’ well-being. (360)