There are many problems with your essay. First, you did not write the minimum number of words (150). You will lose a lot of points here.
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There are many problems with your essay.
First, you did not write the minimum number of words (150). You will lose a lot of points here.
Second, you did not write in paragraphs. A Task 1 essay should have 3 paragraphs, as I explain in my advice.
Third, you make vocabulary and spelling errors.
Please read my advice for Task 1 essays and avoid the most common mistak
Please do not post the same essay in two separate threads.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/CheckGrammarStructureBandThank-You/bpwrzv/post.htm#sc2712154