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Julie_loc Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing

Can you edit this in a different way

Dear Daniel,

I have been missing you very much. I wish we could have stayed in Berlin with you, Martin and Karl. I don’t like it here at all. The house is only three stories, and is a lot smaller. Because it is so small, there is barely any room to explore inside it. There are no other houses near it which means there are no other boys to play with. It is in the middle of nowhere. There are no fruit stalls with big trays piled high with cabbages, carrots, cauliflowers and corn nearby and I couldn’t see any cafes anywhere. The house makes me think that no one ever laughs there. There is nothing to laugh about or to be happy about. I don’t think this will ever be my home.

Outside of my window there is a nice garden and then after the garden there is a bench with a plaque on it but I can’t read what it says all the way from my window. After the bench with the plaque on it, there is a very, very, very big fence. There are tall telegraph poles all along it to hold it up. At the top, it curves inward and then there is a heap of barbed wire bales that looks very sharp. After the fence there is a lot of hard ground. In the distance on the hard ground there are a lot of little huts and small buildings scattered around the place. There are smoke stacks and soldiers at the huts and small buildings. The soldiers don’t do much except order a heap of people around. The people that I can see that aren’t soldiers are wearing striped pajamas and cloth caps. There are children on the other side of the fence except they don’t look like the sort of children I would want to play with. They stay in small groups and get scared when the soldiers talk to them. I know soldiers are scary, except not even the Hopeless Case would be that scared of them.

In our new house at Out-With, there are always soldiers walking around as if they own the house and they always go into Father’s office and everyone calls him ‘the Commandant’ now. For some reason, the Hopeless case came with us and she brought all her evil dolls with her and set them up in her room so they can watch everything that I do.

I am missing you a lot and I wish you could come to our house at Out-With and played with me.

Hope to see you again soon,

Your loving friend, Bruno.
  

Top answer

I wish me, you, Martin and Karl could stay in Berlin together. I dont like it here at all- I dont like this place at all. There are just three stories in this house.

  • I wish me, you, Martin and Karl could stay in Berlin together.
  • I dont like it here at all- I dont like this place at all.
  • There are just three stories in this house.
  • And it's much more smaller.
  • There are no houses nearby, which means there are no boys to play with....
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1 Answers
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I wish me, you, Martin and Karl could stay in Berlin together. I dont like it here at all- I dont like this place at all. There are just three stories in this house. And it's much more smaller. There are no houses nearby, which means there are no boys to play with....

I continued to read, but finally I realised that yr writing is good and dont need to be corrected..

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