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Julie_loc Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing
Can you edit the bottom?
Dear Karl, Daniel, and Martin,
I no longer live in Berlin. I am now living in a new house in "Out-with.” At the new house, my father says that I will understand some day why we are living here, but no matter how many times I tell him it was a bad idea, he won’t let us move back. I hate it here. It is empty and desolate. It is smaller than my house in Berlin and only has three floors. In this house, there are no cubbyholes or secret rooms for me to explore. It is very boring and ugly. There is nothing to do and no one to play with except for my sister Gretel. It is far away from the city. There is nothing to laugh at or be happy about in this house. This house makes me feel empty and cold inside because it is in the middle of nowhere. I don’t think this will ever be my home.
Luckily, I recently discovered one thing good about this place. While I was unpacking, I walked over to a large window at the back of my room and looked out of it. What I saw was very interesting. In the distance, I saw a beautiful garden with flowers and a bench with a plaque on it. Further along the flower garden, I saw a very large fence and lot of hard ground. In the distance, there were small huts that appear to be like houses and tiny specks that must be humans.
There was one final thought going through my head as I watched the hundreds of people in the distance going about their business.
Write back soon!
Your loving friend,
Bruno
I no longer live in Berlin. I am now living in a new house in "Out-with.” At the new house, my father says that I will understand some day why we are living here, but no matter how many times I tell him it was a bad idea, he won’t let us move back. I hate it here. It is empty and desolate. It is smaller than my house in Berlin and only has three floors. In this house, there are no cubbyholes or secret rooms for me to explore. It is very boring and ugly. There is nothing to do and no one to play with except for my sister Gretel. It is far away from the city. There is nothing to laugh at or be happy about in this house. This house makes me feel empty and cold inside because it is in the middle of nowhere. I don’t think this will ever be my home.
Luckily, I recently discovered one thing good about this place. While I was unpacking, I walked over to a large window at the back of my room and looked out of it. What I saw was very interesting. In the distance, I saw a beautiful garden with flowers and a bench with a plaque on it. Further along the flower garden, I saw a very large fence and lot of hard ground. In the distance, there were small huts that appear to be like houses and tiny specks that must be humans.
There was one final thought going through my head as I watched the hundreds of people in the distance going about their business.
Write back soon!
Your loving friend,
Bruno
Top answer
The only suggestion I would make concerns the title of your request. You should have asked 'would you edit the following' and not 'the bottom'.
- The only suggestion I would make concerns the title of your request.
- You should have asked 'would you edit the following' and not 'the bottom'.
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2 Answers
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The only suggestion I would make concerns the title of your request. You should have asked 'would you edit the following' and not 'the bottom'.
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Hi,
in the second paragraph, in the first sentence you should change the word order. Instead of "I recently discovered one thing good about this place" it should be like "I recently descovered one good thing about this place."
in the second paragraph, in the first sentence you should change the word order. Instead of "I recently discovered one thing good about this place" it should be like "I recently descovered one good thing about this place."
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