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Bonnie Khanh Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Can you correct this essay for me, please? Thank you.

This is my ielts writing task 2.

Some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems. Others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Answer

It is claimed that celebrities take roles in supporting global organisations to attract the attention of the community. Although some people argue famous people may understate the importance of the problems, I think they can play a vital role in raising awareness in the society.


On the one hand, well-known people lessen the importance of problems due to some bad reputations. Firstly, people think that superstars volunteer to some organisation just to gain their image in front of the public. Numerous famous celebrities join charities to build up a good image while they are not really interested in what they are doing. Secondly, working with influencers trivialises the serious work of the organisation since they are too focused in enhancing the recognition. For example, by spending money to hire the top star to become the face of the campaign, the organisation will shift their work into fame.


On the other hand, famous people can speed up the helping process in a short time with their huge impact around the world. Famous people gain trust from their fans so they influence people to support current affairs. Young generation is a big supporter of whatever their idols are doing, which include helping others or volunteering in any aid organizations. Moreover, more underrated local social activities will gain more publicity with the famous people's image. For instance, the top kpop group-BTS gave a talk about children in UNICEF, which gained numerous success to the organisation.


In conclusion, working with celebrities may get some reputation drawbacks however it seems to me that it is more beneficial for famous people to be involved in aid organisations.

  

Top answer

You did not understand this topic very well; Most of your writing was either off-topic or confusing. I tried to make some suggestions, but I do not think I was very successful. You need to start this task over again.

  • You did not understand this topic very well; Most of your writing was either off-topic or confusing.
  • I tried to make some suggestions, but I do not think I was very successful.
  • You need to start this task over again.
  • It is claimed that celebrities take roles in supporting global organisations (The topic is about organisations whose goal is to help people, not any organisations) to attract the attention to the needs of poor communit ies .
  • Although some people argue famous people may understate the importance of the problems, I think they can play a vital role in raising awareness among donors and benefactors.
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1 Answers
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You did not understand this topic very well; Most of your writing was either off-topic or confusing. I tried to make some suggestions, but I do not think I was very successful. You need to start this task over again.


It is claimed that celebrities take roles in supporting global organisations (The topic i

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